Rough guide to why, when and whom to marry

Why, when and whom to marry - this seems like a tough question. No other decision you will make in the course of your lifetime will affect you as deeply and as irrevocably, for the better and for the worse, as this one. And no other decision will be made in as high-pressure circumstances, and in as subjective a state of mind, as this one. Yet, this is also the most primary relationship of our life, and the one we invest the most time and effort in.

Interestingly, studies have shown that a steady, committed relationship is good for our overall well-being. All around us, we have evidence of people whose choices of spouse have either taken them to the next level, or have been a cause for grief and trauma. This is the greatest choice we will be making in our life and it requires careful consideration:

Here are a few things I learnt through my personal journey about choosing one's life partner.

1. I'd say marry only for love - Some marry because they think it's time while others because they think they should. Some marry for financial security, or some other reason. Whatever the reason that eventually, love between the couple is a strong force in the background. So marry only when you are both in love. In any case, when you feel supported in all ways, even on occasions when you are not at your best behaviour, you know you've found the one.

2. Marry a secure, confident, self-assured spouse. And that comes with life experiences. Only an insecure person will manhandle you verbally or physically. A self-assured person will never be insecure if you have opinions or express your individuality. They will respect you for it.

3. Marry a successful person. By success I don't mean professional achievement. A successful person is someone who has evolved through life lessons, who harnesses relationships and friendships, who has overcome life challenges. A successful person is unassuming in their footings and generous with their affection and time.

4. Marry if they make you truly happy. When you have no questions in your mind about their feelings for you. When you feel contented in their presence and their absence. Happiness is truly derived not by big gifts or fancy dinners but by the little things they do for you in their own ways to make you feel special.

5. Marry if they are your best friend. You are truly yourself with them. They do not judge you. You feel comfortable being vulnerable and can share your darkest deepest secrets with them without being judged. Not to mention, you are never bored in their company. They stimulate you, excite you and make you laugh.

All the above appear to be simple, but sometimes so elusive you may think. But the bottom line again is, if you can't offer all the above to your spouse than you may not attract such a person in your life. Each individual in our life is an expansion of your identity. So, on the off chance that you have been in a terrible relationship or series of bad relationships, then you must take accountability for it.

There is or was something that you had to work on. And if you don't learn these lessons, you shall continue to attract the wrong person in your life. It's an endless loop, a vicious cycle that you should break by self-exploration, introspection and evolution.