Story of Indian women who reach the 'right age to get married'
"You have crossed the 'age of 30' and are still unmarried? Why? It's so shameful for your parents. You must be such a burden on them."
All the women who have crossed "the socially approved right age of getting married" are often faced with such comments/conclusions from the society. Even if the woman is well-educated with a sparkling career and is earning enough to have a good life for her and her parents, she is considered to be "unsettled" if she is unmarried. Even if she is completely independent, she would be considered a burden on the family. She might attain the greatest height in her career, but she would still be considered to be a shame for her parents and would be blamed for sullying the family name if she decides to either postpone her marriage after the "right marriageable age" or decides not to get married at all.
Why is the society so keen on getting a woman married?
It could be because the society is so used to seeing a woman dependent that it is impossible for it to accept a woman who could break the barriers and strive to attain an independent identity of her own. An opinionated woman having a voice of her own does not fit into the imagery of a meek and vulnerable woman who silently accedes to everything she ought to do as a duty as per the societal norms.
As a result, the society fears the idea of a strong woman who has the abilities and grit to run her own life, as these are the signs of empowerment.
An empowered woman is an antithesis to the idea of an "ideal woman".
John Stuart Mill in his essay "The Subjection of Women" remarks that "all women are brought up from the very earliest years in the belief that their ideal of character is the very opposite to that of men; not self-will, and government by self-control, but submission, and yielding to the control of others. All the moralities tell them that it is the duty of women… to live for others; and to make complete abnegation of themselves, and to have no life but in their affections".
It's astounding how much resemblance these words, originally written in 1869, bear to the present context. This nature of bringing-up has received religious assent; and all the religious texts, invariably, have commanded the idea of "an ideal woman".
For instance, Manusmriti defines the position of women thus:
"A girl, a young woman, or even an old woman, should not do anything independently, even in her own house. In childhood a woman should be under her father's control, in youth under her husband's, and when her husband is dead, under her sons'. She is never fit for independence." (Manu 4.147-9; 9.3)
Amid such prevalent ideas, it is obvious for the society to chastise the idea of an independent self-willed woman.
I daresay that it would not be wrong to assert that the task of permeating these ideas over generations has been undertaken by the victimised lot itself. All the daughters are given a lesson by their mothers and aunts in how to be an ideal woman and are corrected through reprimands at each and every step in their lives. Even a small voice of dissent or deviance is considered to be a moral depravity and corruptness of mind. Attempts are made to nip it in the bud.
It is also the reason why many parents do not want to educate their daughters as they believe that education would expose them to "alien" concepts of reasoning, individuality, independence, rights, liberty among others, which would result in the development of a thought process countering the societal ideals.
Interestingly, this status quo of victimisation and subordination is being nurtured by the women themselves, who do not permit any deviation from their assigned positions.
A woman is always told that if she does not get married she would remain vulnerable and would attract unnecessary name-calling and shaming. But, is this the fault of the woman or the society which consists of such ruthless beings who mistake non-marriage to be synonym for defencelessness and an open invitation. Instead of giving so many advices/suggestions/opinions to their daughters, the mothers should give their sons the lessons on behavioural control so that they do not consider any woman (married or not) to be a target. They need to be reminded of the integrity and sanctity of each and every life and that no one has the right to impinge upon it or violate it in any manner.
The "agreement of subjugation" needs to be written off to give way to a society where a woman is not considered to be an enfeebled commodity to be enslaved, rather as an individual who is allowed to choose her own path to lead her life.
And, most importantly, that it is not a profanity for anyone, a man or a woman, to decide not to get married or to get married after the "perfect age".