My friend is in an abusive relationship. This is her story
It was almost 3am last night, May 2, when I got a call from a good friend Suman (name changed), who had gone out of station with her boyfriend Akash (name changed).
I was jolted out of sleep to hear Suman crying hysterically, trying to say something. I asked her to calm down so that I could comprehend what she wanted to tell me.
"He hit me. He hit me so badly."
This was the first sentence I could hear and understand. My mind went in a shock.
I asked her whereabouts. She told me she had gone to Varanasi and was staying in an OYO Rooms hotel.
"The hotel appeared shady to me but Akash said it was all right as we were short of money. So I agreed. We had to spend the night," she said.
I asked her to tell me everything that led to the gruesome situation.
Suman told me that after they had dinner, Akash wanted to have a walk but Suman was tired and went back to the room to rest. Akash said he would join her shortly. She waited in the room for two hours before he came back. He was not in his senses. Apparently, he not only had alcohol but also did drugs.
Akash started making out with Suman in his inebriated condition. Suman was not comfortable. She abhorred the smell of whisky emanating from his mouth. She asked him to freshen up first. Akash went to the washroom, brushed his teeth and took a bath.
Suman thought the bath would have sobered him up. He came to her and started kissing her. She could still feel the whiskey odour but this time she gave in, thinking that nothing else could be done. They had sex. Suman was relieved that it was over. She didn't like Akash being inebriated at all. She felt it changed him.
After about an hour, Akash wanted to get cosy again. It was too much for Suman. She told him she can't take the smell of whiskey. Akash told her it was okay and tried to hold her. She pushed him back.
By now Akash was angry and started hurling abuses at her. When Suman shouted at him to behave better, he lost his mind completely and started hitting her.
After he was done with it, Akash went out of the hotel, leaving Suman alone in that shady place.
After listening to Suman's story, I went silent for a few minutes. I didn't know what to say.
"You should file a police complaint." I told her after sometime.
"I don't want to file a police complaint. My parents will get to know that I have been lying to them all this while. They will lock me up and marry me off. My life will be finished," she replied, still sobbing.
"Then at least leave him for god's sake. This is not the first time that he has done this, isn't it? You should have left him the first time he did it. By having him back after the first instance of abuse, you gave him the idea that it is okay." I could sense the shrill in my voice. I was really angry.
I stayed on the call with her till morning when she left the hotel and took a bus to Delhi but my mind went haywire even after knowing that she was apparently out of danger. Was she?
I kept thinking why do people stay in abusive relationships? I have heard a lot of people justify it with the love they get. But can any amount of love justify abuse of any kind? What kind of love is it that results in abuse, be it physical, emotional or verbal? It certainly isn't love. Love stems from care and respect. Abuse of any kind only means that the person neither cares for you nor respects you.
When someone forgives an instance of abuse, the abuser gets stronger thinking that it is acceptable. Best is to file a police complaint. But if because of some reason a police complaint cannot be lodged, the next best thing is to let it go.
A relationship is not above one's self-respect. When you stay in an abusive relationship you keep murdering your own self. It is a slow suicide with a devastating end. It is definitely not worth it.
I went to meet Suman the next day. I could see bruises and swelling and purple patches on her body. She had tears in her eyes when she saw me.
I hugged her. "You are not going back to him. Ever," I whispered.
She nodded, tears trickling down her cheeks.
As I sat in her room, watching her silently, I just wondered probably the physical wounds will heal but what about the wounds she has suffered on her soul and mind. Will they ever heal?
While coming back home, I just wished that people who indulge in abuse of any kind understand how they scar the other person's mind and body forever. I wished that they could feel the pain and suffering they inflict on others so that they realise how heinous a crime it is.
Last but not the least, I would like to mention please don't turn a blind eye to the people around you thinking it is their life, their choice. Sometimes, we don't see what we are doing to ourselves before a friend makes us understand the gravity of it.
If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, help and support them to walk out of it before it is too late. Being empathetic costs nothing, but it can save a life.