Shobhaa De is Sholay’s mausi for Twitter trolls

"...Right now, you are the most hated person in India. Who the hell do you think you are? I will tell you: You are a 'f@#***# b#*#*'. You are a r@*&* and a w*&#@ and a s@&*. How dare you insult our lovable athletes in Rio? That's the limit! They are running, jumping, lifting weights, punching… all for the country. That's a lot of very hard work. What do you do? You are nothing! Just an elitist woman…that too, a former model!"

That is apropos Shobhaa De, venting in her blog.

And that explains Shobhaa De's unrelenting quest for ratification by several trollbhais.

As mausi, she could have forgiven the nameless albeit misguided bunch… after all they didn't comment on her sartorial taste and anyway, she dresses far better than Kate, so please!

Let's hand it to her - she was the first one to give English the vada-paav punch by prefixing actresses with honorifics like - lil miss sexy (Sarika); thandimalini (Hema); Zeenie baby (Zeenat Aman) etc., etc., and in her column, Neeta's Natter, laugh uproariously at a Mumtaz trying her hand at noodles at Wang's iconic restaurant.

A loud rap at the "verns" knuckles at trying to transgress Pavlova!

Later in the eighties, she sang her ditty loudly by cleverly replacing the name, place, and other references to expose the helplessness, among other things, of a "fat, dark actress-turned-diva" and heralded the advent of commercial adult fiction in the country.

Good job that, and the rest followed but lacked the chutzpah she had, considering she was to most actresses and their mummys a confidante who was so old-fashioned and therefore, most approachable.

Yes, and that's where hangs a tale and the life of a BTM - to borrow from De's lexicon, Behenji Turned Mod!

Also read: Dear people, there are times when you should just stay quiet

By her own admission and evidenced many times by her insistence to add "mother to six children" in her bio (Page I of a paperback), Shobhaa is traditional and by that what the trollbhais would understand as Sholay's mausi, who is aghast at Jai hardselling Veeru for Basanti…"

"Ek baat toh maanni padegi, mausi… mera dost hai bahut achha (One thing you have to admit mausi, my friend is very nice)."

De is happy being a mom but would take up the cudgels for women who choose to lug a racquet than a baby - "Sania Mirza: Global superstar. India's pride. People's darling."

It is so similar to Sholay's mausi who is looking for a good boy for her Basanti but is ok with her tangewali profession.

But in the world of "trollwood", the old cannot always coexists with the new. 

What is neo-normal could be blasphemous; there is no room for saying a few preposterous and untimely things and be forgiven, simply because, one is a mausi and a family which loves its elders, gets to play antaakshri together!

Also read: On a day of heartbreak at Olympics, Shobhaa De's tweet was just cruel

Her now, done-to-death comment about the Indian contingent at Rio stems from "mausiritis" - we spend so much on you and all you do is take selfies!

And like all mausis, she wanted to be lauded for her prescience.

But alas, this India that is Bharat and vice-versa and many other things, does not care that the maushi is a writer, for god's sake and not some starlet who is trying to cozy up to the Prime Minister with his hands and face plastered on her dress!

Yes, the Sholay mausi did turn away Jai summarily, but let's give it to her, her heart does melt when Veeru threatens suicide unless she relents to giving Basanti's hand in marriage!

Also read: Shobhaa De wrong about Indian Olympians; sexist attack on Twitter not right too

So what if he is drunk; ladka toh sacha hai na (the boy is honest otherwise)!

But De, who faced an onslaught for over a week and even managed a couple of prime time debates (in absentia though, save a phone call), returned with a vengeance and decided to expose the trollbhais' inherent weakness: They are verns who should be put in their place - they called her the most disparaging names which she, as an old-fashioned mausi and woman, shall not tolerate.

And look at their English! So LS! "What is the government doing?

Why is sports relegated to the backburner?" she even tried her hand at being Mata Sari, but the damage was done - trollwood doesn't care - nakko!

Their mind boggles as much as yours in deciding whether this woman is a harmless mausi whose business it is to proffer advice or just an irksome woman who wants to shoot her mouth off!

Try being a genuine maushi… perhaps that may work its magic, sans the sanskars! Kshamabadankochaiye, chottankoutpat… ever heard of that?