#MeToo: Why more women must break their silence and shame men for sexual assault
The Harvey Weinstein scandal has opened up a can of worms and women across the world are applauding the fallout. As more accounts of Weinstein's victims continue to pour in, it has now gone beyond a disgraced Hollywood producer and the "celebrities" he abused.
Actress Alyssa Milano’s call to women all over, asking them to use the hashtag #MeToo if they have been victims of sexual harassment, has broken the internet. Given how pervasive the crime is, I can’t find a single woman saying #NotMe.
From eyes that peer into you at the mall, to the hands that grope you as you commute using public transport; from the words that suggest you look “hot” at the workplace to the family members who have touched you inappropriately when you were a child, women have faced it in all forms.
But while I noticed women courageously admitting to being harassed with #MeToo (some even narrating the exact details of the horrific incidents they braved), there were derisive and dismissive comments from some men too, more than the raging trend. It was clear that women had opened a Pandora’s box and it made some sections of the opposite sex shift in their seats just a little bit.
It immediately reminded me of how uncomfortable some men have always been when women talk about being victims of sexual abuse or harassment. I’ll stick to experiences from my backyard — the news business.
In 2015, celebrated journalist, Barkha Dutt, for the first time broke her silence about being a victim of child abuse. She wrote about it in her book This Unquiet Land - Stories from India’s Fault Lines. Excerpts from the specific chapter were released earlier.
Given her confrontational history with social media trolls, it was immediately insinuated that Dutt was using a personal experience to publicise her book. She was trolled and humiliated endlessly. It didn't count that speaking publicly of an experience like this is probably the most difficult thing to do. How many of us, if victims, would even have the courage to do so privately? It took a while for the shaming to end.
Similarly, I also remember an experience early in my career, when a female journalist from the TV news business had to retreat into the darkness after a deeply personal episode in her life accidentally stumbled into the public domain — she became the butt of jokes, thanks to her peers.
I commend her courage, for after a short hiatus, she returned to face the glare, eye to eye. Even as she struggled to rekindle her field aggression, her colleagues could only comment on how she was merely trying to compensate for the shame she otherwise didn't wish to confront — they mocked her or pitied her.
Strong women have always been considered a threat by men. Their attempts to talk about their experiences of abuse are seen as attempts to garner sympathy and consequently rise a few notches in their career. Like women have little going for them except for their "weaker sex" tag.
In my own field of journalism, I see women's actions being painted a certain way as they go about doing their jobs. The stares that pierce through them if a mantri chooses to give them preference over a male colleague, for instance. The industry gossip will always be around “we know how she gets her news”. Even stalwarts in the business aren’t spared. It is presumed that some make-up and skin show can do for women what source-building can’t do for men. That easy? No.
But I wish it continues to be as difficult as it is, for both men and women. I wish we continue to make men uncomfortable by talking about our experiences of abuse and harassment. I wish we break the barriers of silence and create a cacophony that shames every man around us.
Because for every woman saying #MeToo, there are as many men who have been predators. And that is shameful.