Why does the Indian accent scare you?

Does the Indian accent unsettle you? Does the sight of a brown person speaking without rolling their 'r's leave you rolling your eyes? Do you suppress a laugh when the Prime Minister of India says, "May the force be with you" sans a Star Wars accent but look at the US President in admiration when he says "Shojay" and "Soochin Tendulkar"? Pat yourself on the back. Your privilege just earned you a seat in the Casual Racists' Club.

A lot of your and our countrypeople are members of this club. But a lot of us have learnt, and worked, to rid ourselves of this seemingly elite membership. We are not in the era of Hrundi V Bakshi anymore, even though a Raj Koothrapali occasionally makes us crack up. But we belong to the land of snake charmers and elephant-men. We have the liberty to laugh at our own accents or lack of them. We also turn up our nose at your mutilation of the English language every time we land on a story on The New York Post.

But we adjust. We are used to adjusting. We adjusted to the Queen's English and killed the Oxford comma. We then adjusted to your English too. We gave you Howdy Modi and took charge of your Silicon Valley. You are angry, justifiably. We have learnt to live with that too.

When you call Priyanka Chopra's wedding to Nick Jonas an elaborate 'scam', we tear you apart, but then, we move on. A little wiser. In the hope that you too have opened your third eye. (Look up the Hindu god Shiva. He is cool like you Americans. He smokes up and dances and destroys the world.)

Who is that reporter in the green mocking an Indian reporter? I bet she thinks Trump is racist. pic.twitter.com/YtGv32XOUe

— Damon imani (@damonimani) February 27, 2020

You are also angry that a brown man, with an accent reminiscent of that very Bakshi you based your understanding of Indian culture on, gets to speak to your President. And what more, he brings up your President's reception in India. Now Trump was suitably impressed by the 'seven million people' waiting for him at the Motera stadium in Ahmedabad (there were only 1.1 lakh people though).

He, your First Lady Melania, his daughter Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner, were all in our country for two days. We even took them to see the Taj Mahal, which a lot of you Googled from your in-cabin WiFi on that flight to New Delhi. You must also know by now who heads Google. Yes, an Indian, again. Your anger at us is justified.

When you're in that comfortable seat at the White House press room, and happen to look at a brown man talking to your President, know that English is not his first language. Ask him how many languages he knows. At least three, he will tell you.

In India, our school curriculum necessitates learning a first language (can be a mother tongue). Then we have a second language, which in most cases is English. Then, there is also a third language to learn. In our version of English-medium schools, that structure is English first, Hindi/another regional language second, yet another regional language third.

From before we are zygotes, our parents are told that not knowing English is a handicap. So while some of our parents take up an extra job to afford our English-medium fees, the less privileged ones need to teach themselves this alien language. In America, the concept is alien, we know. In America, anything Indian is also alien. But we are used to it.

So go back to Googling 'what is India'. A Sundar Pichai will ensure you know exactly what India is.

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