Why feminism isn't about women being better than men
My grandfather is 88 years old, the feminist revolution isn't something he ever understood, he is also hard of hearing and I'm fairly certain about 60 per cent of my feminist rants escape him. He is what one might call chivalrous but to be perfectly honest, it is quite obviously deeply entrenched sexism and gender stereotypes that have led to that chivalry. I also know that many of his statements are meant to placate me, because even if he can't hear them, to the general misogynist feminist rants can be quite annoying.
I would like to talk about two of the things he says to me most often. The first: "There is no love like a mother's love" or "No one can love you like a mother can, fathers can try but they don't come close." As a child I felt very torn by this statement, hearing things about the limitations of being a girl/woman made this little sentence cheer me up, at least that was something I'd be able to do better than a man. That was when I was younger,
I decided against having human children, though I do absolutely love my dog babies to death.
After understanding feminism and gender stereotyping, my main issue with this was that it made all fathers feel like they were lacking. Perhaps that is the reason most aren't as involved in their children's lives, because this thinking also leads to parenting being a woman/mother's job. Forget the many studies that have conclusively proved the importance of a father's role in a child's life, in this day and age, it is just lazy and ignorant, and since ignorance is being too lazy to understand things better - it is just lazy. At this point in the world when gender norms, labels and behaviour is changing to make way for individuals telling a father that no matter what he will never be as good of a parent as the mother, well that is cruel.
The second thing he loves to tell me is that when it comes to children, daughters are better because they are more caring. Now in this country that is a great sentiment, we are fighting a seemingly unending battle against female foeticide and infanticide, neglect and abandonment, talking about daughters being important is a great message. However, we don't come from a family where any daughter will face violence for being born a girl. And even in societies where that is a possibility, talking about girls being just as good, as important, as worthy as boys are great messages, but going to the other end of the pendulum seems dangerous too.
In the context of my own family, I find this offensive. I have a brother and I would not want him to feel that he is not good enough just because he is a son and not a daughter. Being caring is a quality that girls are encouraged to develop right from when they are children. I was encouraged to cook, to sow, to knit, to think about other people, to care for my grandparents, my parents, my aunts and uncles and because I was older, I was also told to take care of my brother.
I did grow up surrounded by very strong and very knowledgeable women so I was also encouraged to study, play sports, read everything and learn about everything. My brother, to my knowledge, was only told that he should learn to cook before he was going abroad to study. Of course, he did have me for a sister so I insisted he do just as much kitchen work as me, this consisted of making tea about a thousand times for my parents.
In the end, I know my half-heard feminist rants aren't going to make much difference. I also know that it is too late to change what he thinks, but I insist that feminism isn't about women being better than men, it is about equality. Sadly, these are fantastic concepts to many people born pre-independence, and it also doesn't seem worth it to disturb the peace of the house. So, I save my feminist rants and I work on them in my mind because sadly, this thought process is not limited to a select age group or gender, and I would hate to live in a world where my brother would be regarded less of a parent or child because of his gender at birth just as much as I hate living in a world where I am regarded not strong, or smart, or capable because I am a woman. Sexism comes in many forms and deciding a woman would be a better parent or child are just a step before insisting she stay home with her children because that is her only role.