Board exam results: Remember, bad scores don't make you a failure
Let's cut to chase without preambles, because this is urgent.
Exam results of various school boards have started trickling in. The CBSE results will soon be upon us. Stress and anxiety will escalate to unspeakable levels and our children are going to be on the edge, worrying more than ever if their lives will go into freefall with the announcement of the results. The outcome of months of hard work and pressure-cooker existence will soon be known.
They have passed through a tumultuous exam season and we have lamented enough about our flawed systems, to little avail. A seminal change is still a long way away. Amidst all this, our children are now priming to make blueprints for their future based on some numbers that will supposedly determine their core worth and their admissibility into the portals of higher education.
So, how prepared are we to receive the results as they come and what are we going to do in its wake?
When I say we, I essentially mean parents who have walked with the children on the path of fire religiously through the months and are now oscillating between expectation and fear, hope and concern, rolling in their beds wondering what will transpire when the percentiles are up on the charts. They will pass on their disquiet to the palpitating young hearts and in the combined heat of their apprehension homes will turn into hearths. The preparedness factor is more relevant to these parents than to their children, for they are the primary bulwarks the children have to fall back on in times of personal crisis.
Let's not be dodgy about the fact that parents are partners in the crime of working children into a state of breaking point by the time the results are announced. The regular strain of peer pressure apart, parental expectations and the fear of not living up to them are what gets the children overwrought. Let us not get into the banal specifics of it and digress from the topic of preparedness. The exam phase has passed, now it's time to look at what we as parents can do to avert anything untoward prompted by, God forbid, a result that falls below expectation.
Yes, it is a very competitive world, and there are no easy ways to get around it. But as adults who are going through the travails, as people who are familiar with its rigours and the toll it is taking on our health and peace, it is weird that we are taking our children down the same road, telling them in no uncertain terms that there are no alternatives to success as the world makes of it. It's here that the preparedness aspect of parents should kick in.
First let us know for ourselves that there are alternatives and choices in life apart from what has been envisaged and earmarked as part of our children's career plans. Yes, let me stress, there are choices for those who are prepared to give life their best shots. Let them know that there are things they can accomplish other than what they had initially mapped out. There is not only plan B. There are plans C, D, E... as well. Chart them out with the destination in view.
Highly ambitious children can be unbending in their objectives and therefore, quick to crumble when they don't measure up to their self-estimation. When things don't work as per design, we, as a parent-child team, consider it the end of the world. For God's sake, we know it is not so. Why then don't we explore new paths for them to take without letting them sink into weeks of fretful anticipation and then an unwarranted depression?
The instant they know they have options, their outlook on their future will shift from a result-based road map to a will-based action plan. Assist them in finding alternative ways to achieve their career goals. Reinforce your faith in them and validate it by helping them cope with the disappointment of a below-expectation exam result instead of moping with them. Tell them that social judgment is temporary and it should not make them shifty and diffident. It cannot take away their inherent spark. What defines them is their dogged will and belief in themselves.
Reflect on how you can bolster their confidence in these times, instead of fretting about dismal prospects of ending up nowhere.
No one who is determined to get somewhere can end up nowhere.
Of course, there is immeasurable pride in passing out of select premier institutions, but if they don't come along as desired, there are other places where hard work and proficiency will yield fruits in the long run. Exceptional careers aren't built in big factories alone. Appraise them of this truth in the days leading up to the results. Flexibility is the key.
Prepare them to alter their plans and weigh options, should things go slightly awry and they don't make the cut. Tell them that you know they have worked hard and you are proud of their perseverance. What will get them to the peak is their passion and commitment. If they are bent upon building a rocket, they will, regardless of where they learn to do it. The numbers on the chart that will appear at the end of this month have no bearing on it. It is a myth that these numbers will impact their future, and we would do well for once to reject this fallacy for their ultimate good.
Children fail us only when they deviate from paths of goodness, integrity and hard work. Not when they fail to get perfect scores.
We, on the other hand, fail them constantly by pinning our infinite hopes on them, attaching our personal pride to their accolades thereby unwittingly infusing in them a fear of failure. As parents and facilitators of their future, let us propel them to take on the challenges in life and educate them about the spoils of setbacks. Hammer home the fact that regardless of their immediate percentiles, you trust them to do well in life. Let the onus be on building their resolve to strive.
Our children have been hassled for long by our woefully deficient educational system, let us not add to their despair by plugging our unreasonable expectations on them and making them wonder if they are good enough for us at every step of their lives. Instead, let's invest in their strengths and put the writing up on their wall - good students cannot have bad futures.
Kiddos, chill. We have got your backs.