What porn taught me that biology couldn't

It all started when my elder sister caught me watching a bikini-clad women running down a beach. You must be pushing your luck too hard if you thought that I was on a beach with my family. I was, like any honest teenager, watching a popular show on a not so popular channel ("English channel").

This was my story. And I am sure of many teenagers who were innocent victims of elder sibling rage, just because we wanted to see them bounce. Dirty as I may sound, but I feel it's all about perception. I clearly did not mean boobs.

Call me a pervert or just a normal teenager with raging hormones, with limited access to the world of sex, romance and English movies. I was willing to experiment, but all I could do was switch on the television late at night or pray to be alone at home. Bribing my cable TV vendor, with a wink, did the job once a week, or sometimes twice if he was willing. But what left me flabbergasted was the fact that he woke up after 12am, when I was busy jostling for space in the room I used to share with my elder sister. However I did dare once, but failed miserably. What happened next, you don't want to know.

To put it mildly, I was charred with suspicion. Information travelled to the entire family, it seemed. Parents made sure I was never left alone. Sister made sure the "alternating" channel button was removed from the remote control. And neighbours, well they didn't get a whiff of it. After all, we live in a society and we cannot talk to people about a teenager son's raging hormones.

What would they say?

This is when I took up a challenge. The anxiety on what was so wrong about it grew. Out of the six hours I used to spend at a reputed public school, away from the family, I made sure I pull out some information. Digging away. Snooping around. I felt the victims were many. But they all had ways around it, I didn't.

A man with such ego, and looks to almost die for (if I may say so myself), how could he be kept away from this secret? The digging became aggressive. Eureka moment, I got to lay my hands at a XXX magazine for the very first time. Don't ask me how I got it, or who gave it. It doesn't matter. What matters is, now I could see everything. I could definitely relate to the reproductive system diagram that was shown in our biology class.

Few years down the line, I was well verse with my sexuality and of the female counterparts, too. But, the hormones were still raging, oh bloody them! Internet became a rage, I got my first desktop computer at home, with a web camera. Yes, because I needed all that to study. 

Woah… The world of porn just welcomed me with open arms. Not an appropriate place to name the websites, because they are now banned (or did the government just tell me what I have been missing out on?). Trust me, it was a whole new world. I kept exploring, I kept wondering and I definitely kept… (take a guess)

I am 30 now. Too busy to even look at porn sites (many would disagree though). But I still wonder, what if sex was not a secret? What if I was educated about it earlier? What if sex was not a taboo?

What if?

It all started with that. It will end with that. We have these "what ifs" that are silent killers. They are like the flames, waiting to engulf the kindle. Poetic as it may sound, but that is the truth. And roasting their chicken (since beef is also banned, or will it be?) on this bonfire is our government. Barbecue sauce, of course is the humour and outrage on the social media, which is not flinching an eye but just adding to the taste.

They want us to grow, which is okay by me. But, they need to understand, growing doesn't need to happen only superficially. Pun intended. Our government says it doesn't want to curb the freedom of the internet, but it is following the orders of Hon'ble Supreme Court. I think they just had a eureka moment too, somewhat similar to mine, I hope.

While I can go on with this mindless banter on how we are living in a society full of hypocrites, I would want everyone reading this, to question themselves. Are they any less compassionate, now? Are they sure the child would not get access to porn? Is "banning" a solution or a mere act of following in the footsteps of an ostrich?

Find your answers. Because I have found mine. If I want to die peacefully, this is not the country for it.