How Kerala's marriage market cuts its brides a raw deal
God's own country was hot and humid when I landed. But far more scorching was the fact that I was over 25-years-old - and still unmarried.
Weddings are an elegant affair in Kerala, especially the part where I hail from. Gold is measured and given in kilos. A variety of vegetarian and non-vegetarian delicacies lines the tables set to accommodate over a thousand guests.
Aunties in colourful silk saris compare their jewellery and measure the bride. And I was depriving my extended family of all these simple pleasures.
So, the moment I reached home in Kerala, I discovered to my horror that my grandfather had arranged for a marriage broker. "She is not even 5'5"?" the broker asked my grandfather looking at me, who to my surprise appeared apologetic.
"No, I am not," I said, trying my best to stay calm. "Not even 5'3"?" he asked hopefully. "I am barely 5ft," I retorted and asked him to take a seat.
What happened next was even more disappointing for the broker. "So, you are 25. It's too late to marry and every guy gets married by 25 in Kerala!"
By the end of it all, I was fuming at the broker. But on afterthought, why blame him alone when the problem is societal?
The state has internalised this malaise, with 21-year-olds often made to stand the humiliation and feel inadequate by those quoting the length of their torso and the colour of their skin.
Ironically, this is happening in Kerala, one of the most literate states and, worse, progressive families still fall at the mercy of such brokers who would deliberately show you down for a fat commission.
Instances of dowry abuse are still plenty in spite of fathers "gifting" the groom gold equivalent to the weight of his daughter. And no one talks about this.
Teenage marriages, even after years, are on a spurt in the state. According to data from the last Census in 2011, there were 23,183 married girls below the age of 15 years in the state. And this resulted in as many as 10,175 childbirths.
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| Keralites would boast of how a "Nirbhaya" will never happen in the state, but the heinous Jisha murder did happen. |
Around five years ago, Kerala State Women's Commission had considered placing a proposal before the National Women's Commission that advocated raising the minimum age for marriage for women from 18 to 25 and that of men from 21 to 28 or more.
But the commission did not favour the proposal owing to "socioeconomic" factors. Majority of the state still follow leaders who make speeches about how women cannot be surgeons or warriors. Sadly, such a speech creates no hue and cry.
When students protested against gender segregation in Farook College, Calicut, many of these leaders, including ministers, supported the administration's decision for separate chairs for girls and boys.
Keralites would boast of how a "Nirbhaya" will never happen in the state, but the heinous Jisha murder did happen. Figures reveal that crimes against women in Kerala are higher than the national average. Not to speak of the sheer injustices meted out to them.
How many times have we heard of pregnant girls making it to the Board exams in Kerala and brides rushing to exam halls just after the ceremony? In a closely knit, nosey society like Kerala, surprisingly, no neighbour raises a voice - and friends advise you to keep mum and not get into "unnecessary" hassle.
My aunt said there were a few people who waited till their kids turned 18 only to avoid legal issues. As I smirked and told my sister that I was "a dying commodity" in the marriage market, I wished I could shout out to every girl in the neighbourhood and warn them of the trap that is on its way.
I wanted to tell them to live life like they wanted and never let anyone dictate their "marriageable age". The next day, I packed my bags, hugged everyone and headed for the airport, silently hoping that things would change for the better the next summer.
(Courtesy of Mail Today.)