When Basanti came to Mathura: Why Hema Malini is the only (dark) humour in this election!

With aspirational chowkidars floating around — and a beti’s debut not really breaking the circuit — here is at least one gift that keeps on giving.

Maybe it’s not even a bad thing — we can all do with some lightness of being. Even if she is fooling no one but herself, Hema Malini can at least teach her fellow party politician Smriti Irani a thing or two on how it’s not always about an angst-driven demeanour — sometimes the camera can spot you even in the shade, preferably designer ones.  

Social media has already called it. The former ‘Dream Girl’ living in her La La Land is the clear winner in these elections. So far, no one comes close and chances are there is much more to come! There are so many epic moments that it’s hard to choose in cricketing terms, ‘the turning point’. The Bollywood actress who is a sitting MP from Mathura (one would have to assume that victory had more to do with her past persona than any potential promises) is not too big on geography either. She says it’s a small place but big for her — go figure! So big that Twitterati insists that going by her calculations, Colombo would also be in Mathura.

Then, it’s down to business. Malini says she has done a lot of work for her constituency — but she can’t really remember exactly what! That’s a bit like saying she acted in a lot of movies but can’t remember whether it was as Sita or Gita! But the former actress did add that when she comes to Mathura, she gets things done in 10 days! Would love for her to share that secret since in this country, even jugaad takes longer!

But nothing — and I mean, nothing — can beat the ‘Basanti’ avatar — you can take an actress out of Bollywood but can’t take the drama out of the actress. If Hema Malini slashing her way through the fields with a sickle was not bizarre enough, she has reportedly admitted in an interview that even if it was acting there was nothing wrong in it.

Is there an innocence here that we are missing, the simplicity of a person not hiding behind any political diplomacy, not pretending to be anything other than what she is — a former actress who still lives in a glass house?

Or is this how it is, we are those fools who vote for an image and then watch it only on television for the next five years?

So many moments, so little time. The image of her sitting on the tractor is no less incongruous and when you see the zoomed-out version, it is almost like a movie set with what seem to be sprinklers cooling her from both sides. Reminds you of the behind the scenes on video of Kangana Ranaut riding a mechanical horse during the shooting of the movie Manikarnika. Bollywood must be so surreal that sometimes, it is hard to differentiate between the reel and the real!

What are those drums on the side? Please don’t tell me those are mist generators for cool air? Wow, that’s one fancy tractor ????. https://t.co/PQqSd9dA2R

— Omar Abdullah (@OmarAbdullah) April 5, 2019

By the time Hema Malini stood atop a Mercedes, more than her, we were exhausted with how hard she was campaigning.

But before we could shout 'cut', spot boys were shading her with a giant umbrella that we only see during shoots.

Once every five years, a sitting MP has to eat some humble pie. It’s usually our time, brief that it is. But the actress seems to be starring in the wrong movie. With her dark glasses that make her face invisible and the visible air that makes her indefatigable, she, perhaps unintentionally, as many have commented, is making a mockery of the same people whom she hopes will vote for her again!

But it is the truth that Bollywood is isolated, intentionally or otherwise from the political environment in the country. There are very few who speak, veteran actors like Paresh Rawal and Anupam Kher seem to think their talent is a licence for trolling, Shatrughan Sinha and Jaya Prada know only survival and Jaya Bachchan is now a veteran, even though husband Amitabh Bachchan had once called politics a cesspool.

Perhaps Govinda was the wisest of the lot, choosing to go dance to some more tunes instead of making voters dance to his.

Yet, politics is a short-term number game and Bollywood meets the criteria, even if a star wins just one term. Nothing sells in this country like a bit of glamour in the dusty by-lanes. So, this time around, an Urmila Matondkar seems to be on the verge of getting a new lifeline but let’s not hold our breath — remember Rekha (or not) in the Rajya Sabha? 

Someone on Twitter has called Hema Malini the 'Marie Antoinette of the BJP'. There may, of course, be many more like her, they probably just hide it better. Yet, this is a tad unfair to the Dream Girl — at least there are no crass personal comments or filthy language, she is merely keeping us entertained, (and selling some water on the side). Perhaps this is how best she knows to replay her famous dialogue, "Chal Dhanno! Aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawal hai! (Get moving, Dhanno! Today it is a question of your Basanti's honour)". 

While everyone else debates what #HemaMalini said, I just marvel that she can speak at all- there's enough #botox there to start a bio war ! #WhatWomenSee "let them go to another city" it seems. how aristocratic ! Just like Marie Antoinette; "Let them eat cake" pic.twitter.com/VNpWkfnFFh

— Kasturi Shankar (@KasthuriShankar) December 30, 2017

PS: Ms Malini was last seen cuddling a toddler.

Also read: Dream Girl, Nightmare MP? Hema Malini 'works' in the farms of Mathura while her constituency seeks more real work