Why single Indian women are hooking up with married men

Four of my closest girl friends, single and in their mid 30s, are all dating married men.

They neither feel guilty about it, nor the quintessential "other woman" as both parties are fairly clear that there is no commitment involved, except fun and lots of unbridled physical intimacy.

Marriage is no longer a goal for them. Most of these couples share an emotional chemistry. They also find the distance attractive and full of promise.

Also, let’s face it, in a burgeoning single women population, successful women now prefer to remain unhitched. Or as a friend in the corporate sector puts it, "Besides, most men in India in the 35 plus age bracket are all married with kids or are gay."

The truth, however, is far from these two extremes. For women, there are men your parents "show you" on matrimonial websites. Sites that are high-end and customised, with personalised "shaadi" managers and astro-checks that seem to be vying with the onslaught of dating apps and websites that seem to be mushrooming daily – promising to toss up the perfect companion for you.

And yet, caught between causal dating and legitimised marriage are more single women who seem to be either taking their singlehood in their own hands or just going with the flow, not attaching the usual societal stigma to an interested suitor, never mind if he comes with a wedding band firmly fixed on his left index finger, and his wife’s picture as his Facebook profile photo.

Are single women running out of choices? Or is the very moral fabric of our culture now moulding itself to bridge the gnawing urban loneliness that is staring us in the face?

Why aren’t eyebrows raised any more when a girlfriend confesses to a steamy one night stand with her boss on an overseas trip and why is the perception of the "other woman" in Bollywood no longer one of the slutty home-wrecker, an unstable, drunk, morally deviant single woman?

"Maybe everyone is becoming commitment phobic at some level, and the millennials no longer harbour hope of being with someone for eternity. Look at the rise in divorce rates, the cases of open marriages and all the cheating that is happening, not as discreetly as it did in our parent’s generation," says Priyashi Sen Chowdhury, 37, a divorcee who is now dating her married colleague, ten years her senior who is twice divorced.

"Today most people’s motto is live and let live. While I know my boyfriend is never going to leave his wife and family, he’s there when I need him."

Is the whole notion of dating turning on its head? Are we less scared of the consequences of cheating as a grave moral sin? Is the vamp now your best gal pal, someone you grew up with? Is not being judgmental the only way to understand this growing shift in the nature of urban relationships? Or is the forbidden suddenly not as forsaken as it used to be, with more men and women reaching out to one another, sans the baggage of already being in existing relationships? Marriage, an ancient, sacred institution, akin to a habit, now being replaced with friends with benefits?

Is social media the new playground of sex? Apps like Tinder making sex convenient for all? Is India ready for the sexual unbridling it seems to be poised for? And are women like me who openly shudder at the prospect of being a mistress understand that rules are to be flexed, broken and crossed over without the guilt and hurt?

Sex that was earlier considered a part of marriage is now a norm of growing up and letting your hair down. Most young Indians are openly promiscuous and not afraid to lose their highly overrated virginity.

The hymen is just another part of female anatomy, no longer the lakshman rekha it once was.