No, I am not a problem. I am just an unmarried sister-in-law
I will eventually find my own way. Everyone does.
My brother is 10 years older than me. But I must get married before he gets married.
No, I didn’t see these thought clouds hovering over the head of my parents when they were looking for a match for my elder brother.
Not because those thought clouds were not there.
Because I was too busy to give way to such stupid ideas. But those clouds were there and that’s just the beginning.
The beginning of a story that says: No, I am not a problem. I am just an unmarried sister-in-law, who will eventually find her way — who is not waiting for any knight in shining armour to rescue her.
So when there are speculative reports of whether Arjun Kapoor is delaying his wedding to Malaika Arora because of his sister Anshula, I just want to yawn.
How cleverly engineered the society is that somehow it manages to find a woman to put the blame on. Yes, I get it that here Anshula is not actually being blamed. But how do you feel when you hear that a man (any man, not talking about Arjun Kapoor) in his 30s is not getting married because he wants her sister to get married first? You get impressed by the fact that this man in question is a responsible brother. And you don’t feel anything for the sister. Because of course, that’s how it’s been designed.
Men can wait for their wedding — because they have a lot of responsibilities. And it’s not that they have to seize their youth. On the other hand, women must get married before their youth slips away. This is the very thought which dictates the unwritten custom of getting the daughter married before the son.
Or wait, is there another thread of thought?
Oh yes!
Suppose, I am 20 and my brother is 30.
The prospective bride's family may nurture some grudge because they may have to contribute when, say for example five years later, I get married. No, these are not what the family elders talk about when they meet and finalise the ‘deal’ called a wedding.
These are things that are assumed.
And several such things are assumed in the initial years…
Like, when I have a hearty laugh with my brother and mother, my sister-in-law assumes that we don’t consider her part of the family yet.
When I show my brother a photo of one of my school friends (girl) who used to come home and we three were a group once upon a time, my sister-in-law assumes that they had a secret crush.
And thus the story goes on… me being the problem or just another unmarried sister-in-law.