Why I fear dating apps lead to people feeling used
At the risk of sounding ancient, let me say that when I was growing up in India in the 1970s, the concept of "dating" belonged largely to the realm of Archie comics. The world women lived in was quite sanctimonious, because even in urban India, it was assumed that "going out" with a man led to marriage. The idea of kissing frogs till you found a prince was largely a dream notion. Because, as one was advised, if you went out with too many boys, you would be considered "fast". (Does that notion still exist, I wonder?)
Thus the new apps for dating which have popped up on smartphones recently are revolutionary! What society has still been somewhat slow to accept, the smartphone has already sorted out. No wonder the khap panchayats have seen the danger lurking inside the slim black rectangle, and have tried to ban it, unsuccessfully though.
Recently in a village in Punjab, I was pleasantly surprised to see that young girls in salwar kameezes with heads demurely covered, were posing against sugarcane fields, taking selfies. Where those selfies will eventually land is anybody's guess. But I would not all be taken aback if they eventually emerged on some rural dating site! That is a market yet to be tapped, and while urban India already has over eight dating apps, the rural market has still to discover the aspirations of the young. It is possible that some enterprising soul will launch an app called "Mere Mehboob" or "Sajna" entirely addressing the need for village or small town young men and women to find their soulmates, without the stress of having to marry the first guy who shares your lassi.
The interesting part about dating sites is that they are now the third level of the choices, without parental control, being offered to young men, and more importantly, young women, to choose their life partner. (But yes, of course, we are still in the realm of a cautionary tale, because I understand that while the dating sites offer new options for women, they might still be part of a slightly insecure area.)
The three levels of choices so far, to meet eligible men were: through introductions by friends or through social interactions; secondly, through matrimonial sites on the internet, and now, through dating sites. While the first two came with some built-in safeguards, my only question is whether young men in this country are grown up enough to understand the rules of engagement for dating. Would I be old-fashioned if I worried that some of them might consider these sites as an open invitation to meet girls without responsibility?
Yes, I know that there will be plenty of young women who will clearly see the differentiation between a marriage app and a dating app and the risks they both entail. Thus the new rules of "app-based" engagement need to be clearly spelt out. If indeed half-a-million working women, with no time to socialise and find a life partner in the normal course of things, are turning to apps like TrulyMadly, Tinder, Woo, Desi Crush and so on, the apps are addressing a need.
The only difference is that on matrimonial sites, the end goal is quite clear. People enrol as they want to "settle down". On dating sites, the outcome is unclear. And the rules are completely different. I think the women are grown up enough to handle the responsibility. But will they live "app"ily ever after?