Bihar cheating: Blame not the student, but our expectations

The recent photographs of parents and relatives scaling the walls of an exam centre in Bihar, to pass on answer chits to their wards generated many reactions across the social media. What got overlooked is the underlying pressures that lead to incidents such as these. Maybe it is not routine to see similar solutions being adopted by other parents when faced with anxiety at the time of final or board exams; yet every parent knows how our current education system successfully gives sleepless nights to both, them and their children, around this time.

It is not an easy and carefree life our kids lead, today. The pressure to excel and stand out in a highly competitive environment is immense. Not matching up to the increasing standards being set by the society is a sure-fire way of being called a failure or so we are led to believe.

Children, today have become a means for parents to fulfil their own aspirations and our current education system only endorses this way of life.

A few days ago, my father called me to enquire, if I was sending my son for any tuitions.

A little surprised, I said, "No, I sit and teach him. Who sends a first grader for tuitions?"

It seems where he lives, which is a small town in Kerala, it is a fashion or social statement to send kids for tuitions, as young as kindergarten going toddlers.

Tuitions, extra-curricular classes, classes to improve their technical knowledge of subjects, the list is long, when it comes to keeping our kids busy indoors, sculpting a super genius out of them.

In this race to outdo the next kid in the block, are we raising a generation of self-centred, result driven and insensitive individuals, who only measure the other on the basis of success as defined by our education system, our society, our aspirations and our upbringing. Isn't success relative? How do we draw a common denominator to measure humans, each different, each charting their own pinnacles of success differently?

I wonder, if in our desire to raise smart, super achiever kids, we are raising a generation of unhappy people.

Unknowingly we are teaching our children to seek their happiness in material things, in achievements that are short-lived, easily replicated or conveniently forgotten, without arming them with the life skills of coping with the many highs and lows of life. Of embracing failures and learning from them.

Statistics prove this. In 2011, in a study supported by the WHO found that nearly 36 per cent of Indians suffered from depression, making us the most depressed nation in the world.

In another report by the WHO published in 2012, India accounted for the highest estimated number of suicides in the World. India's suicide rate was 21.1 per 100,000 people, according to the report.

There has to be some reason behind so much of unhappiness. Are we pushing ourselves and our future into the abyss of unrealistic expectations?

Recently, I came across the story of Jagdeesha K, who has been working as a doorman at The Oberoi Hotel, Bangalore for more than 23 years. What struck me about this gentleman was the pride he took in his work and how he considered himself a very important part of the hospitality team at the Oberoi, considering he is the first man a guest meets when visiting the hotel and contributes to the first impressions made, about the hotel.

Jagdeesha K's story is special not because of who he is or what he does, but because he teaches us a very important lesson of finding happiness in whatever we do, no matter what job it is.

Having said that, would I be happy if my son tomorrow takes up a job as a cab driver or petrol bunk attendant, despite the opportunities and the resources he was provided with?

I have answered that question before and to none other but my son.

He once asked, if I would be okay, with him, being a petrol bunk attendant? I remember saying, "If he is happy being that, takes pride in his work and does it sincerely, I would be more than okay".

However it doesn't mean that I do not ask my son, to finish his homework or to prepare for his exams, he is part of a system and he adheres to its rules, but I refuse to measure my son's calibre by his marks. There is no pressure on him to get high scores, but the expectation is to give his best. I would like him to enjoy his childhood, spend time, playing, fighting with real friends, spend some time learning the important lessons of life, of love, of hurt, of sharing, of forgiveness and of failure. How he adapts and reacts to these situations in his life will go a long way in deciding how he turns out as an adult. To associate his happiness with people, with emotions, with places, with moments lived, with simple pleasures, as simple as a pizza treat or watching his favourite movie.

I would like him to learn the three Cs of life: Confidence, Compassion and Contentment. I believe armed with these three he will be ready to take on life's many battles and find his own happiness in an ever transient World and its success stories.

Like Dalai Lama says, "The world does not need more successful people. The world desperately needs more peacemakers and healers, restorers and storytellers and lovers of all kinds".

I agree.