Six reasons to sell your kidney for iPhone 6

The first time it was launched, Steve Jobs, the man responsible for the iMadness, said we would never need a watch again. The iPhone would double up as one. iPhone 6 came out the other day and now Apple says we need one. We need an Apple watch.

Wearable tech has been around for a couple of years. Samsung, LG, Pebble and the Chinese have been there and launched this and that as the internet of things became the thing. Some early adapters acquired them. But most are wary of wearing things of the internet. We don't need a phone watch. No. But now that Apple has launched it, we all feel our lives were utterly incomplete without this timepiece.

Yes, Apple finally launched something that is called "Apple" not iWhatever. The watch can do everything the phone does. But you need the phone, because the watch won't do anything without the phone, and watching porn on your wristwatch is not the kind of horror our world is prepared for. Not yet.

Whoever said time is money meant it. This pair is worth more than kidneys, the pair of portable dialysis machines we are born with. I bring up kidneys because every time a new iPhone is about to launch, there is news about some guy in China selling a kidney to buy the phone. That is shocking because the Chinese make the iPhone. Yes, the originals too.

What shocks me more is that people trade their kidneys for a phone. Just because it's profitable to sell off a vital organ to be able to play Candy Crush on an all-metal, 64-bit A8 chip-armed phone! Agreed, Android phones have more than what iPhones offer. But they are Android phones. They don't cost a bomb and hence do not feel premium.

NFC Payment and Google Wallet have been around for two years. But were they ever sexy? No. When you call the same thing Apple Pay, they suddenly turn attractive. LG's G2 had Optical Image Stabilisation but OIS on iOS is something else. Something that only Apple fanbois understand. Something that's beyond those geeky Android hoi polloi.

If you look at the technological prowess, the best thing about iPhone 6, and, which is surely going to be its biggest USP, is that it's an iPhone. Not everybody has one. Kidneys? Each one of us has two of them. If God didn't want us to trade one for an iPhone, why would He give us a spare one? If He really wanted us to be proud of our kidneys, why didn't He give us iKidneys?

That guy in China has his reason to sell one of his kidney to acquire an iPhone. Here are six reasons why you should consider trading yours too.

1. Kidneys are ugly. Believe me if you haven't seen one. They are messy. iPhones, on the other hand, are sleek and sexy, and nice to hold.
2. You don't know who has two kidneys and who has one. You can't notice what's inside the middle of someone. But you notice an iPhone owner immediately. Even if the phone is in the owner's pocket. The confidence, the poise, says it all. If you can't notice that, don't worry, an iPhone owner is likely to show it to you before you blink.
3. The kidney purifies your blood. That's the only thing it does. The iPhone plays music, takes pictures, makes you look pretty, and now also makes payments. You can also pay with your kidneys, but most establishments don't accept them yet.
4. You have two kidneys. After trading one for an iPhone, you still have a functioning body with a fully-functional kidney. And you have an iPhone to boot.
5. Kidneys don't come wrapped in myths. Do you remember who made kidneys? Well, it's an ancient technology, millions of years old, with hardly any advancement made in recent history. While iPhone's technology is just about two years behind that of Nexus. Besides, kidneys were not personally designed by Steve Jobs, the god of technology. iPhones were.
6. Did you know that your kidney is as good looking as the pair that Aishwarya Rai has? Will people look at you with the same love and awe they looked at the winner of the Miss World pageant in 1994? No, the world looks at you with the same indifference it now looks at Mrs Abhishek Bachchan with. The iPhone is a great leveller. It gives you an equal calling field with celebs who have iPhones. It is quite likely that your phone may have even better skin or decal than Deepika Padukone's. So you win.