Shah Rukh Khan-Yo Yo Honey Singh fallout: 5 reasons they shouldn't work together ever again

The other day, I was talking to a singer-turned-politician, who's got to his credit several Bolly hits of the 2000s. Over chicken and booze and the occasional Hindi song, our discussion veered towards the inevitable - the state of music in Bollywood today. He rued the lack of good, strong music in Bollywood today, and put the onus of shifting the scene, from what it was to what it is, on a certain nasal-voiced wave that came to dominate Hindi film music in the early part of the last decade.

We had just about begun tearing His Nose-ness apart, when snatches of a particularly famous, famously irritating song wafted across the lush lawns of the south Delhi hotel and entered our windows, and finally made its way to our ears. My whiskey-and-music induced high a thing of the past, I burst out in irritation, "Now this song is going to torture me all night!"

And since we had been discussing the dwindling standards of Hindi film music, and this self-proclaimed desi kalakaar's eponymous song entered our evening, inevitably.

Several unspeakable mentions aside, what both of us zeroed in on - and probably anyone who's got a remote understanding of good music too would do - is the utter mindlessness of Yo-Yo Honey's not-so-honeyed music. As an example, "Lungi Dance" was raked up. Now, when Singh treated us to that piece of his ingenuity in Chennai Express, a lot of Thalaiva fans squirmed at his courage. But well, he did what clever people in such a situation would have done - called it his tribute to Rajinikanth. Shah Rukh Khan, too, joined in, and all was well. Thereafter, once every awards show-promotional event-dance show had seen SRK's dance in the lungi, that piece of clothing went back to the wardrobe, and the song made way for other Honey classics.

In the midst of downing and dealing with his "Chaar Botal Vodka" hangover, Singh seems to have disappeared from the public eye. He's been away for the last couple of months, and several reports have indicated that his illness - one that nobody really knows is quite what - is to be blamed for his absence from the public eye. A recent report in Pune Mirror has now informed us that, as per Yo-Yo's songwriter, who is known as Yo (made for each other, Yo and Yo-Yo, don't you think?), the rapper had quietly checked in into a rehab in Chandigarh. And as for his equation with Shah Rukh Khan, the future of the "Lungi Dance" pivots is pretty much like an oil and water mixture. The two, the single-Yo-ed Yo said, will never work together again.

While fans of both the stars work out the logistics behind the supposed fallout, let us concentrate on the more obvious side of it. We give you five reasons, tongue-firmly-in-cheek, and at the risk of being virtually lynched by the double-Yo-ed Yo-Yo fans, why Shah Rukh and Honey should never work together again.

1. What was SRK's last film? Happy New Year. The one before that: Chennai Express. Which among the two made some sense whatsoever? None, would you agree? Well. When was the last time Honey Singh's songs made any sense at all? Never, I guess. Now, when a film is already doing the task of assaulting the senses in the strongest of ways possible, do we really need the Honey touch to torture us further?

2. A birthchild of the SRK-Honey Singh collaboration was something called "coconut mein lassi". The lyrics of "Lungi Dance" go, "Coconut mein lassi milaake / Aa jaao saare mood banaake"... I'm not sure what "mood" the singer is talking about here; unless it is one of rage, since a concoction of coconut and lassi is likely to drive its drinker to only that. Food lovers from both the communities - who swear by either coconut or lassi - will agree that mixing lassi and coconut should deserve the capital punishment, if not anything fiercer.

3. How do you identify a Honey Singh song? Insane lyrics: Check. Earworm: Check. Honey's anything-but-honey-laced voice: Check. And as if all of the aforementioned qualities aren't enough, his songs shove his identity in your face. There will at least be one mention of "Yo Yo Honey Singh" in every single song that he's had the good fortune of singing and we've had the misfortune of tolerating. But then, when it's a song featuring SRK, maybe we should be okay with just the actor's OTT presence in it, no? Why add to the injury?

4. Do you remember that song titled Isse Kehte Hai Hip Hop? That song is essentially what being Honey Singh is like, in the voice of Honey Singh. At one point in the song, we have Yo-Yo talking of himself as being the 'X Factor' of superhit films. Well, in an SRK film, which turns out to be a superhit, more often than not - with or without Honey Singh - Khan is the A-Z factor behind it all. We might just be fine without an extra X Factor.

5. Lastly, if you've read till here, you might have realised that the writer is yet to get over her "Chaar Botal Vodka"; nevertheless, here's the fifth reason. And it's not really focused on the Khan-Singh nexus, but on the latter, in general. Honey Singh has asked us all to pray for him so that he's able to get a Grammy to India. Umm, well. Just that thought is painful enough to kick someone out of her vodka-ed stupor. If a Grammy comes to the country, riding on our desi kalakaar's shoulders... let's leave it there, lest the pain of imagining the incredulity ends up harming our brains irreversibly.