The Nobel prize for literature goes to Patrick Modiano! Modi who?

The Nobel Prize for Literature didn't come as a Modianoesque surprise to me. I was as clueless as everybody else and like most experts bravely Googled my way to the Wikipedia page dedicated to Patrick Modiano. I was devastated to learn that his second name had nothing to do with Modi or Italiano. Evidence that the wave hasn't reached the Scandanavian shores.

To understand a writer, the first step is to Google his image and attempt to face-read. Pictures don't lie. He looks like a learned man as most writers do.

You know that forlorn yet serene look of Orhan Pamuk. And the eager for a prize look of Haruki Murakami. Modiano's receding hairline and stacks of books around him subtly informs one that he couldn't have written all those books. One can safely conclude that this Frenchman is a voracious reader.The red pullover makes him look pretty British to me in spite of the news telling me he's French. Patrick has apparently written many books that were translated into English but got lost somewhere between the colloquial brilliance of Chetan Bhagat and shearing romance of Durjoy Dutta.

I do not know French, hence naturally feel like an expert in French literature. I am horrified to know that 11 French writers have won Nobels for literature. The blame lies squarely on the Nobel Committee sitting in Stockholm.

The Nobels for medicine, physics and chemistry have been announced and the one, the big one, left is the prize for Peace. Peace comes from war, peace, prize money comes from ammunition.

Alfred Nobel. Does that name ring no bell? Not at all, all you hear is explosives. The man known for inventing 355 things became famous because of that one explosive invention:  dynamite. He also invented other deadlier and more complex explosives but they had boring names like cordite and ballistite, which gave birth to all things ballistic. Ballistic missiles are used to instantly bring peace to a disturbed area.

His inventions continue to promote peace in the world and in a world like ours, those who show the faintest sign of peaceful motives are picked by the Nobel committee and given the peace prize. Mahatma Gandhi did not get one. Barack Obama got it and got so excited that he launched military strikes on eight countries last time we counted.

Alfred Nobel bought an iron and steel company called Bofors. He found making sheets and girders very boring and turned that factory into a major armaments manufacturer. Bofors is known for its superior artillery guns all over the world and as a scandal in India.

It cost Rajiv Gandhi his government. There, I have the Indian connection, the one thing Indian writers need when the prize doesn't come to India. You will take solace in Indian connections like Tagore and JC Bose by ignoring the fact they were Bengalis. Ask any Bengali and he will correct you.

Unlike the Nobel prizes for medicine, physics, chemistry and literature, the peace prize announcement is made from Oslo. Mostly because Norway is more peaceful than Stockholm, a syndrome where people at war believe they are in love with peace. Stockholm is also the most misspelt capital city in the world. And Swedish is most misunderstood. My problem with Swedish has nothing to do with diabetes. The word makes me lunge for the sweet dish. Since my sugar levels are normal, it's kinda win-win for both of us. It's okay as long as we win.

Patrick Modiano is an anagram of Paa Modi no Trick, a popular Gujarati saying. It means Big Daddy Modi's Trick! Who's the big daddy, now?