[Revealed] It will now make sense why India 'gifted' Brits the Koh-i-Noor

India wants its Koh-i-Noor back. The government can say anything in court, the fact is that every child grows up hearing about how Koh-i-Noor was the most priceless treasure in the world and India was robbed. Well, Hrithik Roshan is supposed to have stolen it back from the British in "Bang Bang" but it was a fake. At least that's one of the big bang-bang theories.

Several reports suggest that Maharaja Ranjit Singh gave away the Koh-i-Noor to the British in 1849 while several other reports say Singh died in 1839. I presume coming back from the dead to gift things was in fashion in those days.

Frankly, all this business about diamonds and dates sounds more like carbon dating, which contrary to popular belief, does not mean going on dates with older people.

Maybe Vijay Mallya can get back the diamond while he's in London, like he got Tipu Sultan's sword. Oh, but Mallya isn't into diamonds, only de beers. 

Saying the British got the Koh-i-Noor as a gift is like saying Nazis got priceless paintings from France as gifts or the Spanish got gifts of gold from the Incas.

And so what if we gifted it. Where's the law that says you can't ask for gifts back. Imagine a husband saying, "I changed my mind darling, I'll get you something else. Please return the diamond." Okay, don't imagine that. I guess it may be in bad taste and turn into a diplomatic incident but hey, if you want it that bad then why not?

Of course, when it comes to the Koh-i-Noor, we Indians are a sensitive lot. Heck, we even have a rice brand as well as a condom brand called Kohinoor. We don't care about the peacock throne that Nadir Shah stole or the priceless idols looted from India. Nope. Our focus is on one diamond, that's not even close to the biggest diamond in the world. One would think we've forgiven the British for ruling India but not for stealing the Koh-i-Noor.

Legend has it that the Koh-i-Noor brings bad luck to any man who wears it, which is why only the Queen wears it. Sounds more like an old wives' tale, concocted by an old wife who wanted to keep wearing it.

It's common knowledge that a dog is man's best friend and a diamond is a woman's best friend (What if it's a dog named diamond? Well, the jury's out on that.) But the Chinese media recently said that India wants to be a beautiful woman wooed by all. If I was Great Britain, I'd woo this hot woman (yes, 44°C) with a diamond called Koh-i-Noor.

Till then, shine on you crazy diamond.