Some options for Aamir and Kiran to consider if they were to leave India
Unlike those crusty Hindutva honchos who are so insensitive to the plight of the alarmed and despondent Bollywood star Aamir Khan, his wife and his child, I am worried for the actor and his family. So, in deference to the wishes of his wife - who Mr Khan has quoted in a public interview as saying they should think of moving out of India - I have researched the following options that they ought to consider. And I hope that Mrs Khan overcomes her alleged fear of opening the newspapers. Else, all my hard work will go to waste.
Africa
Let's begin continent-wise, with the poorest countries in Africa. Don't dismiss them as no-brainer non-options. Imagine what Aamir would be able to do with all the money he's made in Indian films: buy large tracts of land - even entire towns in countries like Burundi, Malawi and the Democratic Republic of Congo - in which to build his family mansion, his own studio (where he will act in movies directed by his wife), his own school and college (where his kid/s will be taught by teachers imported from the world's best educational institutions) and the outskirts of which will house modern, lavishly constructed colonies for his relatives and friends whose company he'll otherwise miss.
But our icon also carries the weighty baggage of being an idol of the masses. His well-publicised democratic and secular bent of mind will ensure that he retains the common touch and mingles at least occasionally with the hoi polloi. And here comes the rub. Who on earth will protect Aamir - and his growing family - from all kinds of life threatening viruses like the Ebola swarming there? Even without its viruses, Africa is a "nightmarish continent" for young prospective parents: Five of the worst nations in which to bring up a child are, according to global surveys, located there and in many of them growing up isn't always a given because one out of every six children never makes it past age five.
Ditto for several countries in South America which is no haven for children or women and where economic deprivation has engendered and also compounded the inequities against them.
But enough talk of poverty and malnutrition, not to speak of child abuse and other horrors so rampant in those parts of the world. However articulately he may wax over good cinema, Aamir's own films never cut too close to the bone of social reality.
Asia
And why take him to faraway Africa and South America when there's all of the rest of Asia, for Allah's sake! Why not let him taste the delicious anonymity of living in a country where all but two pages of the phone directory have names other than Khan? Well, because the phone directory has only two pages anyway, the rest of the phones being unlisted (read: confiscated by terrorist groups) and also because, for all his protestations of being hounded by the Page 3 paparazzi, a film star just cannot survive total anonymity for too long. Remember also that Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and their ilk might not be particularly amenable to the progressive outlook and lifestyle of his family. Would the present Mrs Aamir Khan herself take very kindly to their mandatory hijab-burqa dress code?
There's China of course, but given the Chinese penchant for economical mass production of popular consumable goods, there's always the danger that soon after his migration you'd find an entire street popping up somewhere in one of their market towns, selling battery operated clones of Aamir Khan which, for the right price, could be programmed to perform even better than the flesh-and blood actor. And the Indian producer who mail-orders the product needn't even wait for the ever-so-meticulous perfectionist to put on weight through prolonged gluttony in order to portray an obese character: the packers would have thoughtfully included a heavy-duty air pump for this eventuality.
Japan and the countries of South East Asia are ruled out if only because they're just too tiny and overcrowded to house any new immigrant. Stories abound of Japanese yuppies having to park themselves (literally) for months on end in their luxury cars for want of a proper accommodation. This, come to think of it, might spark off a story idea for a future Aamir Khan film ("Aati Kya Toyota?") but that would also restrict his stay in the locale (ie his vanity van) at most to a year - the time it takes him to complete one film. Singapore won't work either, because the ghost of long-time dictator Lee Kuan Yew still lingers over that city-state and Aamir Khan just cannot live in the company of another dictator - real or in spirit.
West
A similarly negative sentiment would prevent the one-time tennis wannabe Aamir Khan's family from migrating to Australia, England, France or the US. Never one to accept second place in any field, how can he - who reached the state levels in tennis tournaments here and aimed at much greater heights - bear the thought of settling in places where the world's grand slams are played? Won't they be annual reminders of an unfulfilled youthful quest? On the other hand, Hollywood - being on the West Coast and thus away from New York City, the venue of the US Open - might be doable. But with Tom Hanks still active, who in that tinseltown would want a pint-sized duplicate from the developing world?
On deeper thought, the wife's suggestion does sound "disastrous" as Aamir Khan himself admitted in the course of that much-debated interview. Better then to capitalise on the publicity it has generated to hike his acting fees by a couple of crores, and get on with the onerous job of living in Bollywood even if it means breathing the air of insecurity and intolerance.