Humour
#TheDailyToast: A prayer for holy cows
Gayatri JayaramanNov 09, 2015 | 11:36
- The thing with holy cows is it's easier to spot than be one.
- "Oh, there he goes," you say with ease the minute that you see one.
- The haughty saunter, that fly-flicking tail, that harrumphing mouth full of hay,
- That belief that the earth is ours to take a dump on and even that is your fuel for the day.
- Those broken wires full of barbs, once neat fences, now crushed beneath your hooves,
- The you-stay-there and I'll-stay-here that makes neighbours friends under each others' roofs.
- None of all that politeness here for men who mean precisely what they say,
- The grass is greener on your side so that's where I'll chew my way.
- The whataboutery of friends-turned-foes paves the path to good intent,
- Where were you when I was in labour and the midwife was not for sent?
- Who pulled the pin out of my rear when I mistakenly sat upon a swachh rubbish heap?
- Now you not only want to milk the udder but all the benefits of the whole damn dairy reap?
- Holy cows who take charge with a vengeance ought not equality decry,
- Unlike pigs that are more equal than others, (while the others like bacon in the skillet fry)
- Cows have this ambling ability to take everything in its stride,
- Be you a scooter or 28 flights on an international runway, you halt while I wag my nationalistic pride.
- We holy cows, no narcissism here, it's never us; it's always someone else's fault.
- These clearance jams, these policies that won't budge, these smart city castles that crumble like salt.
- How could the world not be a lovely place when we moo-ed so loud all week?
- All you lazy blighters have no progress because your brains are fixated on steak.
- I'd rather see a holy cow than own up to possibly being one.
- I'd rather keep my awards thank you and polish them till they gleam like the sun.
- It's always them, it's never me, who obstruct the flow of the nation.
- Me? I'll just sit myself down in the middle of the busiest road in town and contemplate my station.
Last updated: November 09, 2015 | 11:41
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