[Satire] Chris Gayle announces retirement to join Retired Cricket League

One of the prerequisites of the Masters Champions League (MCL), a T20 tournament for retired cricketers is that players must be retired, more specifically, they must be former international cricketers - retired from all forms of the professional sport. When Chris Gayle got wind of this, he drafted possibly the shortest retirement letter in cricket history:

Chief, gotta go XXX Chris lol

But before he could send it to the West Indies Cricket Board (WICB) chief, he gave it a second thought and sent it to his Royal Challengers Bangalore (RCB) skipper, Virat Kohli, a man of letters and 11,000 word interviews.

Virat:

Dear Chris,

I have read and re-read your letter to the chief. I have a few questions: Who is this chief? Where are you going - re: "gotta go"? Please do elaborate, and once I have a better grasp of the unknown, I hope to be in a better position to assist you with your letter. Let's finish this together, like one of our Indian Premier League (IPL) chases.

Sincerely,

Virat

Gayle:

VK thanxxx lol

Virat:

Dear Chris,

It appears you fired the mail off by mistake, awaiting your reply, eagerly.

Sincerely,

Virat

Gayle:

VK LOLetter 2 WICB boss chief I GO 2 retirement to play in retirement desert league HOT sand castle meltdown sing by americano bar live by the candy jill come lately gotta go XXX

Virat:

Dear Chris,

Thanks so much for your reply. From your reply I gather the following, correct me if I'm wrong: Your letter is addressed to Mr Dave Cameron, the WICB chief and you're looking for an opportunity to retire from all international cricket so you can further your cricket career in the Emirates. If I'm not mistaken this is the Masters Champions League (MCL), a franchise T20 tournament for retired cricketers set to take place no later than February the following year.

Your friend,

Virat

Gayle:

YO VK LOL XXX

Virat:

Dear Chris,

I wish you the very best in your latest adventure. Please do consider using some of the text from my previous mail in your letter to Mr Cameron.

Your 4 am friend,

Virat

Here is what Chris Gayle mailed the WICB chief, Dave Cameron:

Chief gotta go XXX Chris lol DIG THIS LOL >>>>>>>>>>>

Dear Chris,

Thanks so much for your reply. From your reply I gather the following, correct me if I'm wrong: Your letter is addressed to Mr Dave Cameron, the WICB chief and you're looking for an opportunity to retire from all international cricket so you can further your cricket career in the Emirates. If I'm not mistaken this is the Masters Champions League (MCL), a franchise T20 tournament for retired cricketers set to take place no later than February the following year.

Your friend,

Virat

And WICB chief Dave Cameron's mail to Gayle:

Dear Mr Gayle,

And then people wonder why Chris Gayle and the WICB have a communication problem? I have CCed this mail to Virat Kohli who I predict will be a tad more selective in his choice of words. We cannot accept your retirement from international cricket simply because the WICB does not accept anything that you wish to do.

Warm regards,

Dave Cameron

Following this, Chris Gayle was selected for Australia's tour of the West Indies. If the player failed to fulfil his international commitments, the WICB would not accept his resignation from international cricket.

Playing in the NatWest T20 Blast in England, Gayle was unaffected by these latest developments. Instead, he set his eyes on Sachin Tendulkar and Shane Warne's Legends T20 Cricket League to be held in the United States of America (USA).

It had been a rewarding day so far, Gayle was on the verge of entering into talks with two new T20 leagues. JXTRA Honeycomb as he called her made him a mojito and put his shades on; he always liked his shades on when he sipped his mojito. "Never know when prying eyes may decide to go click click photo bomb me LOL," he would often say. "Daddy be ready for new T20 and photo bomber tombstone blues LOL."

As he sipped, he tried to remember, how many had he played with? Could he remember them all? And he started reciting them one by one - Jamaica! LOL! Jamaica Tall-wahs LMAO! Barista Burners! LOL! WATA NAME! No silly Wata name not-a-name but Barista Burners wata name - serve me Ice Latte while I swing sexy LOL! KKR! KKR! Wata royal pain in my royal a** - never let me do my cool thing, drool on bowling swing out sista LOL! Boring English too good too Somerest Mom I read finally Mamma be happy Stanford Superstars quick bang bang buck so sexy idiot man sailor thief LOL! Matabeleland Tuskers oh baby talk to me dirty LOL Sydney feel my Thunder Down Under LMAO Western Australia... Big flies eat my eyes silly in Perth LOL... Wor-cest-er-shire saucy baby shake shake LOL... ummm that ICC World XI one night stand... my baby sweet RCB my buddies VK and AB so cool intense and Mallya booze boy singing my tune LOL... one more there was... one more... zzzzz sleepy Dhaka Gladi... zzzz

It appeared Chris Gayle had crashed for the night but not before he had sent Tendulkar and Warne a quick mail.

"USA LOL!"

(However plausible this might sound, this is a work of fiction.)