China leader Xi Jinping's visit to focus on Love Jihad
Chinese President Xi Jinping, who arrives in India this week to inflate India's trade deficit by selling us more shoddy and inefficient consumer goods, will also focus on the Chinese version of Love Jihad, top sources who can read the mind of National Security Adviser Ajit Doval told us. The sources added that Xi was going ahead with his trip despite the fact that Indian High Commissioners around the world have been meeting the Tibetan version of the Hurriyat Conference, namely His Holiness The Dalai Lama.
"China needs a Love Jihad because the gender ratio in the early 1990s was 121 boys to 100 girls born," explained Dr Bina Gudgurl, director of the Centre for the Study of the China Syndrome (CSCS). "Those boys will be coming of age by 2020, when there is expected to be such a shortage of brides that the Chinese authorities expect a massive upsurge in social disorder and crime, since the boys will be unable to contain all that testosterone spilling onto the streets. I mean, how long can their government keep those boys busy in hacking computers at the Pentagon and NORAD?"
Hence, the CSCS director said, Xi was coming to India to look for brides for millions of lonely Chinese men, though this was not an official agenda for the trip; officially, the Chinese president aims at boosting bilateral trade. With business between the two countries at USD 70 billion, China is India's largest trade partner. Among the imported goods that China dominates in India are sex toys, which are in great demand in Lajpat Nagar market in New Delhi.
"Initially we thought Chinese men would not like Indian women since they are dark," a source in the Chinese foreign ministry told us on conditions of anonymity. "However, it was pointed out to us by our ministry of state security that suitable girls exist in the region contiguous to our disputed border in Lower Tibet." In other words, China's spy agency had identified India's Northeast as a source of importable brides for their skewed demography.
Prime Minister Narendra Modi is likely to insist that he will not allow any Love Jihad in the Northeast until the border dispute is settled between the two countries. "Also, how can we allow so many Love Jihads against our most beautiful women, first by Muslims and then by Chinese?" asked Subhash Chander, a hard-working BJP worker. "If they try a Love Jihad with our women, we will ask our RSS cadres to give them a same-sex Jihad in reply."When asked to comment on the Chinese president's visit, Congress vice-president Rahul Gandhi whooped in delight. "Jackie Chan is coming?" he asked. "He was so good in Rush Hour 3." In a momentary lapse into seriousness, he added that he would ask the visiting dignitary to help him sort out a dissident problem in Assam, where chief minister Tarun Gogoi is under siege from covetous colleagues.