How cow commandos are turning India into America
In the comical Batman series of the 1960s starring Adam West, his sidekick Robin's only role seemed to be getting captured by the villain or coming with phrases that went, "Holy guacamole Batman" or "Holy mushroom omelette Batman" etc.
In fact, these series of irritating holy somethings probably led to this iconic image much loved and photoshopped by the internet.
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What I don't understand is, why didn't Robin ever say Holy cow, batman? The answer is, perhaps he was scared by the Gau Raksha Commando Force.
Yes, these cow commandos exist. And yes, they're as menacing as this name sounds. Not cows, the commandos I mean. One can't make this stuff up, you know.
In fact, I didn't think I'd ever use the words cow and commando in the same line, unless you count those cops with enormous pot bellies. Oh, but that may count as fat-shaming and that's not cool these days.
Anyway, I digress. (And that's an understatement considering I started a cow article with Batman.)
What in the world is a cow commando? I mean, I had heard of cowboys and even they liked lynching people, but commandos? That's like the Bovine Special Forces. Mushkil waqt, cow commando sakth. That's a little too much cowmaraderie if you ask me.
So these cow boys in the cow belt (and elsewhere) basically spend their time fighting cattle battles, going after cow smugglers and people who they think indulge in beef trade. Just like the old days in the wild west. Then too cowboys went after cattle smugglers and hanged them from the nearest tree. Not that those gentlemen had a beef with eating beef, but that's an udder story.
Basically, India's countryside is turning into America. A 150-year-old America, but America nonetheless. All they need now are some Smith and Wesson revolvers and some trigger-happy fingers.
Well, the gun lobby hasn't made an appearance in India yet. Till then, these "brave" commandos can entertain themselves as usual, by thrashing people who they think are beef-eating, cow-smuggling, Congress-voting morons. And by making people eat cow dung.
Police? What's that? There's no new sheriff in town folks, and the ones that are there want no beef with these lathi-wielding vigilantes.
There's no cigar-smoking Clint Eastwood on the horizon either. Heck, these cow protectors actually think they're the real Clint Eastwoods of this country and they're a law unto themselves.
Holy cow Batman!