After India went to Mars, China will go to Uranus?

Spurred into action by the success of India's Mars Mission, Mangalyaan, China today announced it would go one step further, and visit Uranus.

"Actually, that's three steps further," Chinese President Xi Jinping was quoted as telling his puzzled Indian counterpart Pranab Mukherjee, before banging down the phone. He seemed to be referring to the fact that while Mars is the fourth planet from the Sun, Uranus is the seventh planet.

This prompted Congress vice-president Rahul Gandhi to snigger to his brother-in-law Robert Vadra: "Uranus, not mine."

Scientists at ISRO and NASA were puzzled by the announcement. "Why are they skipping Jupiter and Saturn, the largest planets in our solar system?",  Dr K Radhakrishnan wondered out aloud. "Because they are dense, inhospitable gas giants? But then so are Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton," he added, referring to the incumbent and the next presidents of America.

"Also, Uranus is three billion kilometres from the Sun," NASA administrator Charles Bolden said. "How long is the journey going to take?"

"How Long is a Chinaman," President Xi retorted. "And he's a very good friend of mine as well."

The Chinese leader is believed to be considering turning Uranus into the next Siberia, a prison to send recalcitrants like His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, and assorted East Turkestan separatists wreaking havoc in Xinjiang.

In Xi's view, the planet's low surface temperature of -225 degrees Celsius and wind speed of 900 kmph make it a perfect exile. "Uranus is cold," Xi pointed out to stunned media persons. "And Uranus is windy."

Asked to comment on the Chinese plans, Prime Minister Narendra Modi said, "Mission Swacch Bharat ke baad Uranus ko bhi swacch hona chahiye." His statement sent the stock market zooming to yet another high, as investors took his words as a signal for effective governance.

In response to the "Swacch Uranus" remark, Rahul Gandhi challenged Modi to specify whether he meant by spray or by paper.