Let Sonam choose whose name it is anyway
Many have claimed that Sonam has failed the feminist cause by bowing down to patriarchal conventions.
Sonam Kapoor is now Sonam K Ahuja. And suddenly, she’s not a feminist. The Veere Di Wedding actor, whose wedding kept social media hooked and happy for days, fell from grace after she changed her name on her Instagram and Twitter accounts.
After marrying Anand Ahuja,Sonam Kapoor changed her name to Sonam Kapoor-Ahuja.Will Anand Ahuja change his name to Anand Ahuja-Kapoor?They may wear modern dresses,utter modern dialogues on screen,in real life most film industry ppl r not modern.Believe in patriarchy&superstitions
— taslima nasreen (@taslimanasreen) May 9, 2018
@sonamakapoor this is very special moment in ur life, so wish u Happy Married lifeBut disappointed with ur wedding rituals&more disappointed with ur name change with Ahuja added to your name just in a day!Mr.Ahuja has changed his name to Mr.AhujaKapoor?Feminism gone in Ganga?
— krushik av (@KrishKrushik) May 9, 2018
Many have claimed that Sonam has failed the feminist cause by bowing down to patriarchal conventions and taking on her husband’s name even before the last song at the post-wedding bash had stopped playing.
Others have asked if her husband, Anand Ahuja, would change his name too. This group was stymied after Ahuja did change his name, switching to Anand S Ahuja on Instagram.
However, does redemption for Sonam have to come from her husband’s actions? Do we not need to change the name of “feminism” in that case?
Feminism is a complex, wide-ranging concept with a variety of stands and strands. However, at the heart of it, the idea is simple – equality between all genders, freedom to make life choices.
Which is exactly the point that many, including professed followers of the ideology, seem to be missing.
Sonam Kapoor’s name is her business alone. Whether or not she wishes to change it post marriage is her decision alone. Those who seek to lay down rules for how “feminist women” should behave in their personal lives – that they should follow prescribed commandments instead of their own heart – are not doing the cause any service.
The assumption that Sonam changed her name because of latent patriarchal impulses is to rob her of agency, and assume, like patriarchy does, that she is a programmed doll whose decisions can’t be trusted to have come out of her own head.
Every person is free to have their stand on name changes, sindoor, hijab, make-up, body hair, high heels, and still be a feminist. However, you cease to be one the moment you try to impose your ideas on others, and judge them for not making the same choices.
This is what patriarchy has done for centuries – laid down ever-tightening rules for how women should live, and condemned those who refuse to abide by them.
Let’s be clear: Those who condemn women for wearing make-up and sexy clothes are as bad as those who advise women to “glam up” and not be dowdy.
Those who look down upon women who choose to be homemakers are as bad as those who hold the “career types” responsible for the imminent fall of human civilisation.
Not every woman keeping a karva-chauth fast is a slave to patriarchy. Not every woman sporting a hijab is a victim who needs rescuing.
Not every woman who changes her name post-marriage has missed the memo on empowerment.
Trying to shame a woman for a personal decision, and forcing her to defend it publicly, is unfair and unwarranted. It is also un-feminist.