Censor the vain, uneducated actor not the politician, right?

Beep is the new black. 

All classes have a monitor. And since the Indian film industry has long been surreptitiously regarded as a sort of frivolous child that dances like a monkey for the entertainment of the "masses", the child has been monitored since conception. True that perhaps censorship of some form is a necessity because films are a visual medium and cannot be used as a propaganda tool, to incite violence or to perpetuate unjust prejudices. But the latest CBFC code of conduct has come under a lot of criticism.

Now, one is no one to criticise the diktat, because one is merely a small-fry art frat type actor, not a producer or a director. Directors and producers have been very vocal in their panning of this new order, even some with political leanings, such as Paresh Rawal, Shabana Azmi et al. As an actor, one's creative choices aren’t directly affected. Watermarks can be added, titles can be changed, as can dialogues. So one shouldn’t really technically care. Besides one is an actress, who should (much rather) just apply lipstick, pout and take a selfie and worry about what some pinkvilla said about their last fashion outing, right?

But there are some practical problems with the implementation of the CBFC order that need highlighting. For instance, what is the replacement for the word "screw" suppose when Kishore Kumar has to call for a screwdriver in a Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi? Or a lady has to order a drink at the bar (sorry, the latter is immoral). What about "saali"? It doubles up as "sister-in-law" and also an abuse of some sort. If we cannot mention the Hindi word for "dog" then "Veeru" from Sholay would go thirsty and God only knows if Tuffy would be a kitten in Hum Aapke Hain Koun...!

It's all in the past but so confusing, really.

There are larger problems of course. How does one campaign for elections in the capital, if "haraamzaada" is forbidden terminology?

Er, don't say anything, she sits in Parliament, hence this must be parliamentary language. Just as this must be parliamentary behaviour. 

Let's emulate.

If there can't be violence against women then what will this TMC MP say in his inspiring speeches?

Or what of this?

Sorry, please ignore because there's no bloodshed here.

By any standards political leaders make for better role models than narcissistic and uneducated actors, right? They are after all chosen representatives of the people in a democracy. News channels play footage of political campaigning and speeches 24/7 on a loop. These brilliant quotes are then repeatedly published in print, made available online on official news sites and are then immortalised on YouTube. They are watched by people of all ages, including children that do not understand politics and also by those that are apathetic about these matters. I am sure the glorious words used in our rapidly elevating political discourse have no impact whatsoever on the impressionable populace. It is after all a reality. Films are make-believe, and more believable by that logic. "Popcorn fluff" certainly needs censorship, not people with political power.

In conclusion, I would like to quote from a brilliant piece of poetry about the Indian Railways:

"Ye maal gaadi tu dhakka laga, dhakka laga, dhakka laga... Garam ho gaya engine iska, dhakka deta ja."