What Hrithik-Kangana's break-up says about extramarital affairs in India
After the contrived and vexed intolerance and nationalism debates, news about the intriguing Hrithik-Kangana relationship has come as a whiff of fresh air. It certainly is more complex than any that Bollwood has seen in recent years. Moreover, in many ways, it is indicative of the changing societal, marriage and relationship dynamics.
In the case of Hrithik and Kangana, this is what seemed to have happened: Mutual forlornness and lust had them seek physical indulgence; subsequently, the need for a more permanent physical availability got them involved in a relationship. In a situation like that, there are weaker moments when people get carried away and talk about wanting to spend their lives together. However, soon after, they probably realised their folly and tried to restrict themselves once again to a strictly physical relationship, only to realise that constant change of gears had impaired the relationship.
Had it not been for Hrithik's hasty decision to move the court, the world would not have known about this secret relationship. Interestingly, it will be naïve to dismiss this as a "Bollywood story". Rather, it seems indicative of the nebulous morality paradigm in urban relationships and of the resultantly altered dynamics in contemporary marriages and extra-marital relationships.
These are some of my inferences from my observations and comprehension of people involved in unconventional equations/ flings/ affairs/ relationships. Many of these conundrums obviously give rise to newer queries:
1. Leading double lives is perhaps more common in our society than what we'd have imagined or thought. And so happy family pictures posted on social media pages need not necessarily vouch for genuinely happy families. A publisher friend of mine posts some awesome family pictures every couple of weeks making everybody believe what a great family man he is. There's another side to him though: he's a stalker who tends to chase pretty women writers.
2. A philanderer is naturally adept at balancing different roles and responsibilities. He can be a great parent. Can a philanderer simultaneously also be a great spouse? Well, considering the increasing multi-tasking prowess of this generation, that isn't impossible. And some people apparently pull off the double role pretty well.
3. Why does a spouse then need to cheat if things are apparently fine in a marriage? Is it a habit or a need or is there some sort of belief gaining ground that a little bit of indulgence outside marriage, livens up your marriage? Is loneliness and restlessness an inherent trait of this generation, already grappling with attention deficit issues?
4. Are single working women increasingly finding themselves more comfortable in relationships with married men? After all, in certain ways it's a win-win situation for them. She knows he'll be there when she needs him; at the same time she will have her space when he tends to his family obligations.
5. Are men the new weaker sex? Growing evidence suggests that men get into a relationship wanting it to be "un-emotional, un-attached kinds". But sooner than later, it is men who get emotionally embroiled, getting possessive about the woman and wanting to control her in obvious and indirect ways.
While the woman takes her time to get into a relationship, she finds it easier to move out of it. The man plunges into the relationship rather quickly but finds it that much tougher to move on or to accept that the woman is no longer interested in him.
6. Lastly, that most people are loners in today's world negotiating different individual levels of depression and wanting. Loners tend to be seekers. Technology facilitates seeking, leading to an accessible, seamless world. Hence, many contemporary relationships including the Hrithik-Kangana relationship are created out of thin air and have "convenient escape" written all over them.
So where does all this leave the already fragile institution of marriage? Is falling in love a utopian, elusive concept? Well, let's revisit the topic 10 years hence.