Five unbelievable things that happened in Bollywood in 2014

Twenty fifteen is finally here, which means you can forget about how terrible last year was and start afresh with new regrets. It also means that Batman Begins was released ten years ago, and I don’t know about you, but I feel like I aged a little while writing this statement. But before we finally forget the year that was, it’s time to look at five unbelievable things that happened in Bollywood last year. (Because the internet wasn’t full of listicles already.)

1.) Youngistaan nominated for Oscars’ Foreign Film list: 

That’s right, a film loosely based on Rahul Gandhi’s life might make it to the Academy Awards. What’s worse is that Rahul Gandhi’s role was played by Jackky Bhagnani, so I’m now confused about whom to feel more sorry for. But one must respect the Bhagnanis for their optimism, for they think they have a shot since the Academy usually chooses films that are panned by the audience.

2.) Sanjay Dutt’s character arc in PK:

A lot of religious fanatics (or as I like to call them, real life YouTube comment writers) want PK to be banned, but I really hope it stays in theatres because there is poetic justice in the film. Spoiler alert for the three people who haven’t seen the film, but Sanjay Dutt dies in a terror attack. I would pay the entire ticket price (in EMIs if it’s PVR) just to watch that scene again.

3.) SRK, Salman and Aamir Khan shared the stage: 

The three Khans came together on Rajat Sharma’s show, and it was so boring, nobody even ran a hashtag about it on Twitter. Aamir was straight-faced throughout and refused to play along because perhaps he wanted to maintain his Satyamev Jayate image. I didn’t think I would ever say this, but I’ve been more entertained by Rajat Sharma and aliens in the same frame.

4.) Saif Ali Khan admitted that "Humshakals" was a mistake: 

Sajid Khan really knows how to bring out the best in anyone. A man who went through traumas like Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic and Ta Ra Rum Pum was driven to a point of such mental torture that he literally came out and said, “Guys, it’s a f***all film don’t watch please!” Women love a sincere man. And with his statement, Saif coined a Game of Thrones like term — A Pataudi Always Stays Honest.

5.) Sonam Kapoor’s career carried on: 

This is by far the most amusing thing about Bollywood because Sonam Kapoor’s entire career is based on the fact that she wears nice clothes. Most actors make public appearances to promote their film, but Sonam does films only so that she can attend events wearing designer clothes that cost more than the film’s budget. Sonam Kapoor is like the TV in my living room. She’s not great and there are others out there that are way better, but she’s not terrible enough to be replaced yet.

That pretty much sums up the year for me, and ensures that I get trolled by Bollywood fan accounts on Twitter saying “fk u bhai is best hw dare u ugly pakistanijugalhansraj”.

There’s a lot to look forward to in terms of entertainment this year. The Entourage movie, Anurag Kashyap’s Bombay Velvet, and Bipasha Basu’s That-Horror-Film-With-That-Muscular-Dude-Who-Humps-Protein-Shake-Jars. Or if you want to wait it out, I’ll come up with another similar listicle in 365 days. Happy New Year folks!