What is your money love language?

According to a survey, financial tensions often crush relationships' intimacy. So, if your private 'partner checklist' had features of mental, emotional, and spiritual connection, add another additional box to the checklist: financial compatibility. Financial compatibility does not just mean how much money you make. It also includes your values, goals, beliefs and attitudes about handling money.

So, what can you do? You can identify your money love language!

We all know that when love is in the air, people become blind. So blind that they don't see their partner's money personality, even if it is right in front of them. Identifying your own and your partner's money love language will help you understand why you might have money fights on the smallest of issues and be annoyed with a money mistake for the longest time. 

For the uninitiated, you might want to look up Gary Chapman's famous book ''The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate''. The book speaks about how humans give and receive love in 5 different types. These 5 types are called ''love languages'' and include:

• Words of affirmations
• Quality time
• Acts of service,
• Physical touch
• Gifts 

This behavior also shows up when it comes to money. In money matters, each person has a different priority need, which needs to be fulfilled for them to feel super supported. This primarily arises from their own beliefs and attitudes which trickle down from their primary caregivers and the environments they grew up in.

For eg, say there is a dad who doesn't spend enough time with his kid. The dad has more than enough money to support the kid and the kid doesn't feel any monetary lack. But, because all his monetary needs are always taken care of by his ATM dad, he could feel comfortable with money when he spends like a careless brat. If he has the support of advisors, he could feel more financially comfortable by being a diligent planner because he spends more time with the advisors than his own father.  

Here are some of the archetypes of money love languages that have come to my observation:

1. The DIY Experimenter

This person is like Geet from Jab We Met - takes complete financial responsibility for their own financial future. She will plan how much money she makes, how she spends, and how she saves based on her research on Youtube and Google. 

The DIY Experimenter plans their money budget and executes the allocation themselves. They feel comfortable enough to take care of their own money based on their own limited skills and knowledge. They might be scared to trust others with their money. They are afraid of losses and would rather lose money out of their own mistakes or lack of knowledge than pay someone else and still lose the money.

They love changing their financing strategies based on what they find on the internet and often look up to general information to solve their unique private problems. Browsing Google and Youtube videos for hours and watching the opinions of finance influencers, finance blogs, budget videos, and ''implementing this opinion as financial advice'' is what this independent DIY experimenter likes to do.

2. The 50-50 Person

The 50-50 person is comfortable managing money but also knows that they can do a better job at it if they can share the responsibility with someone. Since they know and accept that they don't ''know it all'', they are okay with accepting some money responsibility and sharing the rest with others. 

What does this look like? For eg: Say Geet and Aditya (from Jab We Met) are planning a trip. Geet might only want to take up the 50% responsibility of planning and budgeting the trip and expect Aditya to take care of the actual spending within the budget (the rest 50%). It can also be vice-versa. Say, if Geet has made some money and doesn't know where to spend it. Here she might ask her dad to create her budget and share some best investment options (50%) and take the balance responsibility of spending and investing on herself. 

3. The Outsourcers

The Outsourcers don't fuss about money and feel most loved when they have others take care of their money matters. They are interested in hiring the best people to do the job for them and paying them is not really a big deal because they value time and results over money. This could usually be someone who may or may not find financial transactions to be overwhelming but finds great peace when someone smart and trustworthy take care of their money for them. They value their life experiences and having time freedom and prioritize that over spending time on money matters. 

For eg: Geet or Aditya hires an assistant to find the best travel destinations and choose their travel itinerary within a budget. The assistant will also decide how they could spend a set amount of money on the trip and could also make the payments to complete all the trip arrangements.   

4. The Hesitator

The Hesitator is the person who finds comfort in being laid back and doesn't do anything about their money situation or feels like a victim. They feel comfortable meeting their basic current needs and feel comfortable with that surface-level, short-term knowledge. They may feel like avoiding the act of checking their bank balance, hesitate in having money conversations, and feel challenged or uncomfortable in openly talking about money to their partner (even if the intention of the conversation is good). A hesitator feels comfortable when others remind them of their own personal strengths and might prefer to save rather than spend. 

5. The Diligent Planner

The Diligent Planner feels most comfortable when they can see their money on an excel sheet before it actually comes into the bank. They could have a proper spreadsheet of all their incomes and expenses, have a budget for every month, week, and even day, and always know exactly how much money is in their account. They are like the 'Monica' (Ps: from the series Friends) of money planning and love it when their partner loves to plan like them. They love structures in personal and combined finances and understand and take responsibility for their payments. 

Why you should know this 

If your money personality is that of ''The Hesitator'', and you meet someone who is an ''Outsourcer'' for the first time, you might feel instantly attracted to them because their money habits are completely foreign to you. Since these foreign features get your nerves curious and draw you into the rabbit hole of ''I want to know everything about this person'', your curiosity and interest levels grow. You might also use the ''opposites attract'' logic to justify your attraction. Remember, love is blind?

But once you marry the person, the scene flips. The Hesitator, who literally tracks every rupee in her journal might be shocked to see that her assumptions about the Outsourcer have fallen flat. Contrary to her assumptions, the Outsourcer does not even look at his bank statements. EVER. The Outsourcer spends all day every day, irrespective of how expensive it is. Though she loved going on dates with him to expensive places, the behavior isn't attractive anymore. She is appalled by their purchases and suddenly the person becomes 'oh so unattractive'. The realisation hits in: ''OMG, what have I done?'' 

Its important to know your money love language because at the end of the day your vows were (or will be): 'For richer, for poorer'