Dear Modi, this is why Andhra Pradesh loves you

Dear PM Modi,

I must admit that I have been your closet admirer for a while now. I can’t comprehend where you find the energy to run the longest electoral campaign ever. Since 2014, you have been tirelessly working more hours than those in a day to globetrot and criss-cross the country, making promises. Feels like the elections never got over and the country is being led by a caretaker government on auto-pilot. It must be such a hard life to deliver your Mann ki Baat, preen yourself in local attire or advice children about how to alleviate exam stress.

Of course, none would know stress more than you do. I can’t even imagine how I would have to deal with myself, if I ever broke a promise. I would dread a press conference, lest some pesky journalist, who isn’t disciplined enough to take a morning walk, talk about my unkept promises. You avoid them all together. Such a skill I tell you. I wonder if I could upgrade this by availing myself of the Skill India services.

Another thing I admire you for Mr Modi, is that you made a mention of my state in your address to Parliament. Though your speech, intended to be a "motion of thanks" quickly descended into a "commotion of no-thanks" by the Opposition, you stuck to what is most important. Even though your Budget and government (including your ally TDP) ignored Andhra Pradesh for four years, you had the magnanimity to mention an incident and non-issue from three decades ago.

I hope at least now, my Telugu brethren will stop running hashtags like #BJPcheatsAP on the social media. You have worked very hard on helping us forget the pain of unkept promises like according Andhra Pradesh the special category status - which you yourself made during the campaign of 2014 - oops sorry, like I said, the campaign isn’t over yet. Due apologies. Some of us are also miffed that even the special package which your government announced in lieu of the special category status hasn’t been honoured. Neither has the demand for a new railway zone at Visakhapatnam been adhered to. And yet, you bravely contained the pain of netizens bringing down the ratings of your party on Facebook.

Of course, your valour is legendry. We’re all aware of Bal Narendra fighting crocodiles in Class 8. But what I didn’t know is you could also shed crocodile tears for a former chief minister of Andhra Pradesh, two decades after his death. You rightfully brought this out in Parliament, just in case we forget about it and start asking for our promises to be honoured. But I must caution you here Mr Modi. Your ally, Mr Naidu is equally good at gimmickry. Look at him today, throwing tantrums against your government, of which he was part all these years and yet he categorically says he will not withdraw support to your government. You guys are so darn good at this game. Of course, that’s why you are "all-lies" I guess… err, I mean you are allies.

And since your ally is equally good at bamboozling us, I would like to give you some insider information so that you could use it against him just in case he gets too big for his boots. Since you were so concerned about the former CM of Andhra Pradesh, T Anjaiah, being insulted. You reminded everyone that it was in reaction to this insult that legendary actor NT Rama Rao (NTR) left films and decided to start the TDP to save "Telugu atmagouravam" or Telugu pride.

I will give you a little titbit. You know Mr Modi, towards the end of his life, NTR was a broken man and even referred to Mr Naidu, as "Aurangzeb", and claimed that he was involved in a planned treachery. He called him an indelible blemish on democracy. Remember Mr Modi, NTR was also his father-in-law. So be very wary of him, or he will very cleverly project his failures in Andhra Pradesh onto you and put on his well-practiced innocent face. If you don’t believe me, look up the video of NTR ruing about Naidu on YouTube - you’ll find it easily.

Anyway, it’s just another year left now. You have successfully digressed from questions on the Rafale deal, unemployment, security failures, foreign policy debacles, poorly performing economy and the like. I guess you’re aware that netizens on social media are already running hashtags like #EkAurSaal to celebrate your filibustering. Great going Mr Modi, and good luck. Keep us hungry, keep us foolish.

PS: Bhakts, this was written in a sarcastic tone. I am not smitten by Mr Modi’s crocodile stories or his tears, so you guys should stop getting excited and shedding peacock tears. I suppose some of you will categorise this as yellow journalism. That will only excite your allies TDP as they believe everything in their party colour belongs to them, including "yellow" journalism.

Also read: Modi's speech in Parliament: What is this obsession with Nehru?