Love is not haram: How Pakistan celebrated Valentine's Day
The colour red. Roses, chocolates wrapped in glossy packaging, heart-shaped balloons. Teddy bears, perfumes, designer bags, designer gowns. Price tags may vary, the gifts come in myriad hues of red.
The outward celebration may have become a Hallmark commercial entity, but the symbolisation remains imbued in colours of love, romance, and everything that is good, heart-warming, positive and simply beautiful. Love rocks, on any day, in any form, and on Valentine's Day, love presents itself in all its resplendent glory. Even to the most jaded love-phobic, and a hardened relationship cynic. They watch from afar.
I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, probably because of the absence of that one person in my life with whom I wish to exchange mushy texts, tight hugs and extravagant gifts. At my age, teddy bears and boxes of chocolate just don't cut it, yes.
My single status and non-existence of romance in my life, however, in no way have diminished the importance of love and its manifestations to me, and I value it all. I wish my loved ones - son, family members, friends, Tweeple - on Valentine's Day, and it makes me happy to see red stuff all over my timeline, in my house, in my city.
It makes me happy to see my niece receiving a red box of macaroons from her husband in London. I smile looking at men of all sizes, shapes and statures crowding the perfume counter at various stores to buy last-minute gifts for their disgruntled spouses or angry girlfriends.
Looking at rows of balloon-sellers, road-side florists, cafes filled with aroma of freshly-made cupcakes, children, teenagers, adults, middle-aged and old people wearing some shade of red, and buying stuff for one another, I feel heartened that in this world full of gloom and doom, not all is lost. Love is, and always will be.
Valentine's Day in Pakistan is a reality, with or without the moral brigade imposing its vigilantism in one form or the other. Every year, there are proclamations of boycotting Valentine's Day from various religious organisations, their admonitory finger raised high to warn good people to abstain from western depravity, foreign influences that pollute minds, western ideas that brainwash young people to behave in a "shameful" manner.
They wish to turn it into Youm-e-Haya (Day of Modesty), and every year, you see their volunteers in action, sitting under canopies and banners floating in lovely February breeze, announcing what is pious and what is not. Despite their weak protests, love wins the day, and Valentine's Day comes and goes, red, noisy, exuberant, and very, very joyous.
What these self-claimed vigilantes of morality fail to understand is that banning, prohibition and impediments merely end up as a re-strengthening mechanism for people's ideas and attitudes, sometimes in an unsavoury manner, resulting in a sassy opposition of what they are told not to do. The idea of attraction towards the forbidden is a fact of life, which no amount of restrictions and admonitions have been able to extinguish from human mind and heart since the first man and woman.
In 2016, Mamnoon Hussain – some may ask now who is that – president of Pakistan, declared: "Valentine's Day has no connection with our culture and it should be avoided."
In 2017, the Islamabad High Court declared in a judgement to an anti-Valentine's Day petition that there would be no celebration of Valentine's Day "in public spaces and government offices across the country "with immediate effect"." The court order was extended to "print and electronic media to "stop all Valentine's Day promotions immediately"."
In 2018, PEMRA, the electronic media watchdog in Pakistan, in obeisance to the court order, issued clear orders to all channels: "Desist from promoting Valentine's Day."
Not one but many a Grinch to steal Valentine's Day from hearts that await this day to assure themselves and people in their lives that what matters most to them is love. No harm in that, I say.
During an argument with a mufti on a talk show a few days ago on the topic of V-Day celebrations, my main point was simple: how can something that celebrates love be bad in a country that is grappling with so many depressing issues all the time? My other point is even simpler: as long as there is love, people will find ways to celebrate it in one form or the other. People always have.
Wars have been fought for love, oceans have been crossed, literature of all eras is a testimonial to existence of love and romance, songs celebrate love. Love existed in the time of my grandmother, we grew up on the stories of my parents' love story, all three of my siblings had love marriage, and yes, I married for love too.
Every third person around me all my life, was in love, is in love, and will be in love. Whether that love lasts or not, whether it is merely lust driven by testosterone and estrogen, or dopamine, norepinephrine-fuelled attraction, love exists.
Amidst backlash against Valentine's Day came Ahmed Qassem al-Ghamdi, Saudi cleric, researcher and former Director General of the Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice in Mecca, who stated, much to the dismay of messengers of doomsday scenarios and fatwa-wielding clergy of my country, and others anywhere else who believe in distorting religion for their games of hegemony: "The celebration of Valentine's Day is a positive social event that is not related to religion. It is a humane and a social matter and congratulating people for it is not against Sharia."
And: The Grand Mufti of Tunisia Othman Battikh declared earlier this week that Valentine's Day "was not "haram" and celebrating it was permissible on one condition: that "morals are not violated"." Condemning preachers and extremists who bracket celebration of Valentine's Day as "an imitation of Christians," he said that Valentine's Day could be used to spread love among people. "Everything that brings people together is good. There is nothing wrong with celebrating Valentine's Day as long as morals are respected."
International bodies like the UN and Amnesty International use Valentine's Day to reiterate their messages of love, compassion, empathy and brotherhood. What better way to celebrate the day of love than to reach out to people in pain? Love connects strangers, and Valentine's Day could be instrumental in reaching out, strengthening the message, and opening doors to actual assistance to people who need a global narrative of empathy and compassion for their short and long-term rehabilitation.
Make Valentine's Day the day you reach out to refugees, internally displaced people, patients of terminal illnesses, survivors of abuse and rape, victims of natural disasters and survivors of man-made wars and terrorism. Share the dazzling red of Valentine with those who see nothing but darkness around them most of the time. Be human. Love. Connect. Share.
Poetry of Mirza Ghalib, Faiz Ahmed Faiz, Ahmed Faraz; ghazals of Mehdi Hassan, Farida Khanum, Iqbal Bano, Ghulam Ali; songs of Noor Jehan; qawaalis of Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan and ballads of Junaid Jamshed celebrate love. Books celebrate love. TV dramas and movies celebrate love. Taking out Valentine's Day out of Pakistan would make sense if all things celebrating love ceased to exist.
Who will delineate the limits of morality and draw the binaries of right and wrong? A desi ghazal singer euolgising love is as out of "bounds of religion" as the so-called western concept of exchanging gifts on V-Day. An exchange of love-letters between secret lovers meeting in clandestine darkness is as "amoral" as a couple sitting in a café gazing in each other's eyes, holding steaming cups of cappuccino adorned with heart-shaped cream. Farida Khanum's Aaj Jaane Ki Zidd Na Karo or Chicago's If You Leave Me Now, what is it that makes one "halal" and one "haram"? Go figure.
While I go listen to Tera Mera Pyaar Amar, Phir Kyon Mujhko Lagta Hai Darr....To me each day is a day of love. In celebration of love that I had, and will always have in my heart. For you.
Also read: How goodbyes in love are a recipe for heartache