Milind Soman dating a younger woman is not creepy
Of all the issues that deal with human sexuality, consent probably is the most important. Consent by definition means to permit, to approve, and to agree. When it comes to sex, consent is when someone agrees, gives permission or says "yes" to a sexual activity with another person(s).
Consent is the yardstick which divides sex from harassment or rape. Indulging in any sexual activity without the consent of an individual falls under sexual harassment. By this logic, consent should be the only criteria upon which a relationship that involves sex should be judged.
The news of Milind Soman, 51, actor and marathon runner having a live-in relationship with 18-year-old - or 23-year-old (a fact yet to be ascertained) - Ankita Konwar spread like wildfire. News channels gave it exclusive footage as if it was the one thing the future of the countrymen depended upon. Websites published article after article giving details of the actor's and his partner's personal life. Speculations were made not only on the age gap but also on how long they have been dating and whether Soman was dating a minor.
Twitter, the breeding ground of most controversies, did its job perfectly well when accounts teamed up as pro-Milind or anti-Milind and the outrage kept the timeline busy. Several accounts objected to the age gap, labelling Soman as a sugar daddy, and even a paedophile without any knowledge of what paedophilia actually involves.
It is both shameful and sad that we as a society quickly go on to label, judge, pass nasty comments at, and shame a relationship between two consenting adults but when it comes to real issues such as sexual harassment at work, domestic violence, marital rape, dowry deaths, rapes, we turn a blind eye. This attitude shows a clear lack of empathy, a failure when it comes to deciding what requires our attention and what should be ignored.
Respecting an individual's privacy is something that has gone out of fashion. Soon there will come a time when privacy as a concept will be found in history books. Relationships are no longer kept a secret. Everyone likes to post pictures, giving out information about themselves on social media, rendering themselves vulnerable and open to trolls.
Freedom of expression is the most misused asset in today's times. Soman chose to express his happiness of a loving relationship but was in turn trolled by the moral guardians for the huge age gap between him and his partner. Instead of leaving the adults alone and treating their consensual relationship as something normal, the trolls went on with their moral preaching on how the relationship was "wrong" at so many levels.
After consent and privacy, the third most important question is who decides what is right and what is wrong. As of now, the relationship does not violate any law. The girl is an adult, and living with someone whom she wants to be with. That is her choice. The man has exercised his choice to live with her. In this setting, which according to the law is perfectly okay, who are the people to decide that it is wrong on moral/ethical grounds?
Once again, we have proved how hypocritical we are as a society. We interpret morality according to our liking. The moral guardians preach that the man should always be older than the woman in a relationship (for various patriarchal reasons that would require another article). But if the man in question is a considerably older, hot and a successful person, they have a problem.
We consider a book like Lolita a classic, watch and enjoy a movie like Cheeni Kum, but when we come cross something similar in real life, we fail to handle it with the decorum it demands. Some things are better left to be on their own. Now that is an art we all need to learn.