Why Tamil Nadu's transgenders are making a plea for mercy killing

A group of educated transgenders appealed to the Tamil Nadu government for mercy killing on Friday. As reported in The Hindu, "The group visited the Chennai Collectorate on Friday and also sent petitions to other government departments. 'I tried to get financial assistance from the government to lead my life with dignity. I do not want to beg or carry on with the other tasks traditionally associated with transwomen in society. I have never thought of doing such work for a living,' said Banu, a transgender who is studying engineering."

The paper quoted Banu as saying: "On Friday, we requested the government to allow mercy killing for us. As a citizen of India, my dignity and self-respect have been affected because of my gender identity."

Also read: Let's talk about lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender cause beyond discrimination

Last year the Supreme Court recognised the third gender and directed the central and state governments to provide reservation for transgenders in education and jobs. But as the protests on Friday show, much remains to be done on the ground. The prospect of mercy killing is too chilling to be ignored.

It is easy for well-meaning "straight" allies to bunch people of alternative sexualities under the catch-all term, LGBT. Add "Q" for queer, and we feel comfortable in the knowledge that we have given representation to every variation of sexuality. But the term means nothing if it fails in helping us appreciate the individual struggles and particular problems of each subgroup.

I have written earlier about the different categories of overt discrimination that the transgender faces. The mercy killing plea is, of course, a cry against this state of affairs. But gender sensitisation also involves educating people about the subtle but significant differences in the expression of gender identity between different members of the LGBTQ umbrella.

A friend who has always suspected that he was transgender is now seriously considering sex change. Since this is an entirely new thing for him, he is not sure how to go about it. We discussed the matter the other day and I advised him to start dressing up as a woman in private to see if he is okay with that. He lives in the West; so I also asked him to visit transgender support groups in his community.

Also read: What an IIT student coming out as transgender means for our LGBT rights

He is pretty sure he is transgender but the prospect of hormones and surgery daunts him. He wonders if he is really only a cross-dresser because he has had some wonderful times in drag. But equally, he is 30, and the questions about his gender identity have never really stopped popping up. So he suspects there is more to it than an interest in drag.

It's odd, but listening to him is like coming home. I identify as gay and have never thought of myself as transgender. I once asked my friend why he felt the need to be a woman since he could be anything he wanted as a man. Why not be androgynous, I asked.

My question was presumptuous on two counts. One, I had assumed that androgyny was somehow superior to an identity rooted in a particular gender expression. What if my friend wanted to dress up as a woman? Two, I was projecting my own sexuality on him. By doing so, I was reducing the question of his transgender status to what he got up to in bed. My friend wants to live as a woman, while I do not. That is the difference between us even if both of us sleep with men.

Gender is complex. I don't know why I am not transgender but gay, and not knowing this is part of the wondrous mystique of life. I say this even as I acknowledge that life is easier - if things like this can actually be compared - for gays compared to transgender people. There is no physical transformation involved; so the process of coming out can be more personal and less driven by social anxiety.

This distinction needs to be repeated. Often, the debate about LGBTQ is framed as one of rights and legal remedies, when it is much more than that. It is about acknowledging the truth about all of us, about who we are and how we identify. Reiterating this will go some way in correcting the social missteps that force those on the margins to contemplate extreme measures such as mercy killing.