Stanford rapist, how parents shouldn't raise their sons

If you tuned in to social media last week, you'd be aware of the Stanford rape case and the judgment that was meted out and which is being deemed as highly unfair. But, what has gone viral, apart from the anger, is the victim's 12-page letter that she read out in court, which is being hailed as one of the most powerful pieces ever written about rape and its aftermath.

The woman was raped in January 2015 on the Stanford University campus after a night of drinking at a party. While the letter itself is chilling, and should be read by everyone, I'd also recommend that every parent read this one response in particular.

It resonated with me largely because of the mindset it speaks of, and which is so prevalent in our country.

Also read - Stanford rape case: America, you're as disgusting

Posted by a Chicago writer called Matt Lang on Facebook, on June 7, it hits the nail on the head. Talking about how drinking and promiscuity are not the problems, Matt says, "This here is the problem: some guys are entitled pricks, and they're entitled pricks because their fathers and coaches and friends taught them to be entitled pricks. Because they are entitled pricks, they think they can have whatever they want, and that their worth is defined by what they have and what they take."

In India, we face this time and again. Sons are taught that they can snatch what they want, even if it isn't rightfully theirs, they grow up to believe that what they survey can be theirs and even tell-tale signs of future violent behaviour are brushed away by indulgent parents.

It could be something "small" as a child venting his anger by kicking a street puppy. Because no one reprimanded him then, this same child will go on to prey on other helpless people when he grows up. And his parents, like Brock Turner's (the Stanford rapist) father, will continue to plead their child's case.

Matt goes on to make a very important point and all parents of sons should read this carefully.

"But even at my most intoxicated, I've never lost sight of the fact that rape is wrong, because I was raised to know it is wrong. No amount of alcohol can depress that value.

Also read - By letting Stanford rapist get away, America just put women on trial

Brock Turner and his ilk were never taught that. They were taught that they can have what they want, when they want, including women. And that's called being a man. Brock Turner thought he was entitled to a little "action" any way he could get it, and he thought that long before he got drunk.

Just as importantly, we need to love our boys, and teach them the dignity of the body, and how to live through disappointment and confusion, and how to navigate confusing feelings, and how to separate feelings from action, and how to communicate and listen. We need to redefine for them what it is to be a man, which their worth doesn't come from that which they have and take."

Every Brock Turner is a lesson in failed parenting. A lesson all parents need to take seriously.

(Courtesy of Mail Today.)