How to sell Rahul Gandhi for pappus

As the BJP gets closer to its stated goal of a Congress-mukt Bharat, with the victory in Assam, the question remains: what can the Congress do now?

Let me dedicate this column to a creative reimagining of Rahul Gandhi's prospective political career.

The idea of this exercise is to figure what he's good at and what he isn't, so we can manufacture a new version of Rahul and send him out into the field, where he can play to his strengths.

There are things Rahul will never be good at. He is not the greatest orator. He doesn't have the fluency in Hindi that Narendra Modi, Arvind Kejriwal and Kanhaiya Kumar have. These guys can talk. But if you're not a born public speaker, there's no point in trying to be one. You'll keep goofing up.

It's best that Rahul stick to English, a language he's relatively more comfortable in. This is a linguistic handicap, which he's inherited from his father Rajiv, who once famously said: "Chaahen ham jeetey ya losey…"

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Much of the south and the northeast doesn't speak or understand Hindi, but that didn't prevent Prime Minister Modi from speaking in chaste Hindi while campaigning. Language is not a barrier in reaching out to people. If you've got a message, it'll get through.

In the preface to Mother Brother Lover: Selected Lyrics, British pop star Jarvis Cocker writes: "Turn your defects into selling points. Don't attempt to hide a fault - exaggerate it. Make it so big that no one can see it anymore."

Rahul doesn't need to be embarrassed about the privileged background he comes from - the Gandhi family, Doon School or for that matter, his hobbies: paragliding and drag racing.

In any case, he attended Doon for only two years, the rest of his schooling was done at Columba's and Convent of Jesus and Mary, which are the regular "convent" schools that middle class Indians either go to or aspire to.

Also read - Future of Congress now lies with Priyanka-Vadra, not Rahul Gandhi

Liberal Indians who will not vote for the BJP, no matter what, are looking for a national alternative. Rahul can be that alternative.

He needs to speak up more about issues that affect young urban India. This will require Rahul to go against his own party at times.

He can begin by apologising for the Congress-led anti-Sikh pogrom in the aftermath of Indira's death. Justin Trudeau recently formally apologised in the House of Commons for a 1914 incident in which a Japanese boat, Komagata Maru, carrying Sikh immigrants, was turned away from Canadian shores.

He should speak out against the ban culture in India - banning films, movies, books, documentaries, comedy "roasts" - including that practised by the Congress.

Also read - India forgave Modi for Godhra. Why hold Rahul responsible for his family's sins?

Mukul Kesavan has said that the Congress is waiting for a "daring usurper" who will "set the grand old party upright and walking again".

By being a maverick rebel in his own party, Rahul can be that "daring usurper". By playing the rebel, he will be seen to be carving out his own identity and destiny. This should help him shed the baggage of dynasty.

His views should not have any shades of ambivalence. He should say what other politicians, across party lines, shy away from saying, whether it is decriminalising homosexuality, arguing against prohibition or marital rape.

Also read - What Rahul Gandhi's elevation will mean to the deflated Congress

Most Indian politicians come across as stiff or avuncular - the uncle who never married. Rahul needs to be sold as a young liberal Westernised but desi politician who knows young India because he belongs to it (time's running out).

He is often spotted sipping a latte in a coffee-shop at Khan Market or eating at a south Delhi restaurant - all this reinforces the image of a regular guy rather than of a politician who inhabits an ivory tree-house, if such a thing exists.

Indians have got tired of their politicians in ethnic wear. Rahul should dispense with the khadi whites (he can continue wearing them at home if he so desires) and should be photographed more in black T-shirts, jeans and sneakers (no, kurta and jeans doesn't work), or in snappy dark suits.

To sum up, this is what I'm imagining for Pappu. Contrary to what the song says, his PR team should be convincing us: Pappu can dance.

We need more photos of Rahul: Rahul on the dance floor shaking a leg to Kanye West, Rahul driving a fast car, Rahul at the drag races, Rahul with his babe girlfriend, Rahul biting into a Gelato, Rahul sipping a beer, Rahul blogging about Jungle Book or Money Monster or listening to Prince, or attending his gay friend's wedding.

Also read - Rahul Gandhi must read up on Nehru to revive Congress

Rahul - the People's Pappu. Rahul who doesn't care about power, who says what's on everyone's minds but what regular politicians will not say, because they have a hundred electoral ifs and buts getting in the way.

Rahul can be charming one-on-one. We live in times where elections are won and lost on TV. How you look matters. A straight-talking PM candidate who turns up for television discussions in Reeboks, Levi's and a sexy stubble, looking more like a dot com millionaire than netaji, might cut through viewer fatigue and cynicism. Sell him as the comeback-kid. And I'm only half-joking.

I'm not saying that all this will work as political strategy but it might give Rahul at least a chance. The moment is now because he has absolutely nothing to lose - the Congress having already lost most of what it had.

(Courtesy of Mail Today.)