Open letter to Lisa Haydon: Why we need feminism now more than ever

Dear Miss Lisa Haydon,

When we thought we were marching towards an equal world, pearls of wisdom came from you. In a recent interview with ToI, you say, "I don't like the word feminist. I don't think women trying to be men is feminism. I also don't believe in being outspoken for the sake of it, or just to prove a point.

Feminism is just an overused term and people make too much noise about it for no reason. Women have been given these bodies to produce children, and the spirit and tenderness to take care of people around us. It's fine to be an outspoken and working woman.

I don't want to be a man. One day, I look forward to making dinner for my husband and children. I don't want to be a career feminist."

Miss Haydon you are so wrong, and at so many levels. You say that women trying to be men is not feminism. The question is, when did feminism ask women to become men? Feminism is laid on the simple premise that men and women deserve equal rights and opportunities.

Feminism does ask us to leave the attributes a woman has; it says that we can choose to do what we want rather than playing the roles patriarchy hands us over. And feminism asks the same of men.

Patriarchy says that a man has to be strong and most importantly he has to be the provider - the decision maker.

Feminism says men can be what they choose to be. They can be CEOs or house husbands, the choice lies with them with no shame.

In gist, feminism is not male hating, it is, in fact, a breather for men too, whom society compels to play the role of demi gods - the provider, the decision maker and the winner.

Feminism is for all.

I am not too sure what you exactly mean when you say that people make too much noise about it for no reason. So, had people - both men and women - not made noise about equality, Sati would still be prevalent, you and I would have been married by 10 or eleven, and if our husbands kicked us or sold us, there would have been no laws to protect us.

Bless these people who came to the streets, lost so much just to make sure that another woman gets a chance at life. By the way, my mother is a widow. Imagine if no noise was ever made, she would have to sit on the pyre.

Also, if no one made noise about education and women's right to be wage, imagine my childhood. I am 30, its 3 at night, I am sitting in my room and writing. Imagine! No one is out here to excommunicate me or call me a witch.

Thanks to the ones who made loud noises that a woman had a choice to lead a life of her own. Thanks to feminism, you and I can vote. Had it not been for the women's suffrage movement, politics and national policies would have been only about men. Imagine living in a country like that. We need voices, Miss Haydon. The more, the better.

Forget about the world, India needs feminism. Because feminism tells young girls that they are good as they are, that they can grow up to be anything they wish to be, that their existence does not depend on a male signature.

We need more and more feminism because in a country like ours, where 92 women are raped every day, feminism says women have a right over their bodies and sexuality, and that it cannot be violated.

Because feminism tells the world rape is not a victim's fault. Feminism says shame the rapists, not the victim. India needs feminism because it teaches us that to marry I don't need to pay for a guy.

I need not need to go into details, the way families run into debt and distress to pay a daughter's dowry. In so many cases, girls are killed before or after birth, so that parents don't have to rear a human, whom they must raise to send to someone's else's house, who will finally be her master.

Feminism says that a girl is responsible for herself, just like a boy.

Her attributes may be different but her skills still the same. Feminism gives equal opportunity to all. So, we need feminism and we need to keep making more noise to stand up for an equal world.

Imagine, Savitri Phule was hit with a stone each day when she went out to teach girls. Imagine an India where no one made noise that girls and boys deserve to be treated as equals.

Also, at no point in time, has feminism asked a woman not to bear children or not to look after them, or to not cook. Feminism has never asked women to stop taking care of anyone.

But you miss the whole point when you put every woman in the role of being mothers and care takers. It might be a great experience for many women, but there are others who might not want it.

I have a friend, who works for an MNC, and now heads its South India division. She earns for herself, spends on herself and wants to stay that way without the ties of marriage or having children.

Does that take away anything from her? Is she not a woman? A woman's role in the society is not to be a mother alone. Her role is her choice, that's what feminism tells. That's why we need it.

Miss Haydon, after this interview, you came up with an explanation on your Instagram account, which you later deleted. You say, "All the noise being made about my "feminist" comment drives my point home. Instead of making so much noise, we should walk the talk! The best way to change the world is to start with ourselves. Live a life that paves the way for others who lack the same opportunities. I certainly strive to! My life speaks for itself. But, in our quest for feminism, let's stay feminine! As a working woman, who takes pride in ambition and achievement, It's important not forget that we are women made for the greatest role ever - bringing life into this world. And that is something to be proud of! Our true power lies in a gift we've been given that men will never have. Our bodies create life. If feminists have a problem with this. Feminism is not their real issue... Nature is!"

Here again, Miss Haydon, you missed the point. Feminism is not against the functions of our bodies, but it refuses to acknowledge a woman only by her bodily functions.

She is first recognised as a human being. The rest is a matter of choice that is respected. Feminists are not men or women who hate men or those who don't look after their families. They are people who believe in equality between genders.

Miss Haydon, let's go back to the basics, "Feminism is a very human concept that recognizes equality between men and women without following the gender role Patriarchy hands over to us."

Also in your interview with ToI, you say, "I enjoy being called hot and attractive, but it gets offensive when you are putting so much more out there and all people do is pick up on that particular aspect of your personality. We are judgmental and are innately programmed to see what we see. I don't know if it's a societal norm that people don't look beyond physical appearances."

Isn't this exactly what feminism asks? To look at women beyond their bodies?

At the moment, where we are talking of the huge pay gap between men and women, the birth ratio between boys and girls, where the Khaps make statements saying noodles cause rapes, where acid attacks happen each day and where most women face sexual harassment in public spaces, we need feminism.

We need to make noise. As I write this, a woman is going through domestic violence. If you read the data, it would horrify you. And if today you and I can speak publicly, choose a profession, get paid and dress according our choice, we have feminism to thank for it.

If you don't want feminism, then there is a basket, you can drop all your rights there, which came to you and me because so many people made the noise and pushed the envelope.

You and I owe a debt to feminism: we can choose to be us, irrespective of our gender.

And when it comes to India, there are crores who can't. Some are still fighting to be born. So, we need feminism, more than anything.

As Emma Watson would say, "If you stand for equality, you're a feminist. I'm sorry to tell you."

Good luck for your film,

A proud feminist