How women bring ruin to their own sex

As I sat on my couch, sipping coffee and reading Mrs Funnybones, the latest addition to my bookshelf, a sudden shrill cry disrupted my peaceful alone-time that Saturday morning. The cry grew deafening by the minute, forcing me to let Mrs Funnybones stay inside the autorickshaw for some more time. I rushed outside to investigate what the racket was all about. I peeped out of my third floor balcony, only to discover my maid sitting on the front porch of my building, wailing her lungs out, surrounded by a group of maybe 20 people. They were all listening to Puma Di (that's her name) like it was the only thing on their schedule for the day.

I hurried down the stairs with a bottle of water in my hand to check what had happened. I could hear her sniffling and sighing when I approached, but was not quite prepared for what was to follow. I opened the front gate and as I made my way through the crowd, I saw a bruised Puma Di sobbing uncontrollably, sitting face down in a state of utter despair. I offered her some water, which she refused to drink. Instead she hugged me and started wailing her plaint. Clearly she needed to talk about whatever it was that was distressing her, so I asked her to come inside the house. She somehow managed to get to her feet and took slow, unsteady steps to get inside the building. She sat in my living room and began her tale.

"He expects me to work all day and when I reach home all tired and dirty after work, he expects me to cook for him, feed him, do the dishes at home, put the girls to sleep and then fulfil his demands in bed after he comes back from the theka at midnight. I normally don't say anything to him Didi, he is otherwise good to me even though I gave birth to girls but last night I was really tired. I just couldn't you know, so I said no. I refused thinking he would understand, he didn't, instead he forced himself on me. He didn't stop at that, after he was done he started hitting me even as I pleaded with him not to. I think the girls heard everything, it's a tiny house you see."At this point I said, "Did you inform the police? Does he hit you often?"

"Arre, nahi, nahi Didi, he only hits me when I refuse him and why call the police for such minute domestic issues? He is not bad Sanchali didi, I think he was drunk and that's why he lost his temper."

I didn't know what to say, I was sad and angry at the same time. What I was feeling at the time is difficult to describe in words. I finally gathered my thoughts and asked her "Why are you crying then?..."

"Didi, I don't want him to leave me and my daughters. What will happen to us if he leaves. I think I am not good enough for him."

By this time a realisation had dawned upon me, one that left me perplexed. She was still ranting about how she felt she doesn't deserve him, had given birth to daughters and that he loved her and so on. Though I felt sorry for her, deep inside, I knew she was responsible for her own misery.

I recall having an argument with my dad after watching Madhuri Dixit's Vogue empower #StartWithTheBoys video. He said that the message was wrong, only women can empower women. Puma Di's story made me realise what my Dad meant at the time.

Today, we talk of empowering women and gender equality, but how do we plan on achieving it in a country where several Puma Dis feeling they deserve to be second class citizens?

Change can only happen if there is awareness at an individual level. We need to make women aware of their rights, educate them and make them realise that they are equally important. We need to shake them and let them know it's okay to say no to your husband, brother, son or father. It's okay to want to live your life on your own terms.

If women themselves don't realise their worth, then little can be expected from the opposite gender. Yes, I agree that men and society play an important role in empowering women. But that's exactly the reason why we must teach women to treat their own kind better.

Education plays a major role in empowering women. In order to make women aware of their fundamental rights we need to start educating them early. Education that a girl receives in her early childhood, helps her grow up to be a wise woman and eventually she inculcates the same social values in her son or daughter.

Education also gives a woman a choice. A choice to decide how she wants to live her life, what she wants to be when she grows up. It gives a woman financial security, which in turn allows her another kind of independence.

Yes, empowerment means different things to different individuals and no dictionary can ever do absolute justice to this word. For me, empowerment is the ability to choose. To be able to voice my opinion. To be able to say no to things that I don't agree with.

I wish Puma Di had received the education she deserved as a child so that she could realise her worth. There are several such Puma Dis languishing across the country today due to lack of education and awareness. I feel it's time to #StartWithTheGirls.