If being gay were a choice, why would one choose the life of a criminal?

Years ago, when I began my career in advertising, during the course of a discussion with a senior partner, it was casually asked if I was gay. Although it had nothing to do with the conversation or the artwork being discussed, suddenly, everyone looked up to me for an answer.

At that moment, I had a choice: either to speak up or just smile politely and excuse myself from the discussion.

Thinking this was a group of evolved human beings - those who were working so hard at creating communication to eradicate one of most deadly viruses known to humankind - I answered in the affirmative.

The ensuing silence was discomforting, but now I was out at work. I didn't have a reason to hide myself and I felt that this could be a safe zone - a place where I didn't need to be someone I was not. I didn't have to check myself, I didn't have to check a gesture for want of it being labelled "too gay" or guard against using a phrase and so on. I felt safe.

Also read - Gay or straight, India: It's time we all come out

Naive as I was, that short period of safety lasted exactly 90 days. What resulted was a series of water cooler jokes, repeated insults and then barbs at anything I would wear or say or do. It came to a point where I went to the human resources department to complain.

I was politely told that while they understood my position that such harassment was wrong, they could not offer a solution. Section 377 criminalised homosexuality in the country and, therefore, they couldn't have policy in place to support me.

Officially, they were incapable of doing anything at all. I quit the same day.

It was the first time I had heard about Section 377. Those were the early days of the internet. While there was some information on the IPC section, there was nothing to make me understand the legal jargon and complexity.

It would take more than a year and several conversations to fully understand the extent of what that one sentence did to an entire population of our country. For the uninitiated, Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code criminalises any non-penile-vaginal sex as "against the law of nature''. The law written by Macaulay in 1853 was a derivation of the Buggery Act of 1553, enacted during the reign of Henry VIII. The section came into force in 1860 in India and has been in force ever since.

Also read - Hindu mythology accepts homosexuality, why can't you?

Over the years, there have been many conversations about Section 377 - both for its reading down and for it to stay as it is. Each time, I have heard well-meaning TV anchors and panellists having a reasonable debate about what LGBT people should or should not be allowed to do.

I have read hundreds of columns about how being LGBT is a "choice" and that those with this "lifestyle" should perhaps look at mending their ways.

And there is that particular logic about being grateful for living in a country with so much freedom; we shouldn't complain about anything because "aren't you lucky that you don't live in Uganda?".  Yes, I am lucky that I don't live in Uganda, but that's not good enough.

This isn't some sort of game or competition where the person who has it the worst wins the right to complain and everybody else has to just put up or shut up.

The Indian Constitution does not say We the "Heterosexuals". It says We The People. And what most people forget is a simple fact - LGBTQ have the same human rights as everyone else.

They have the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Yet, sections of our great nation somehow believe that the existence of the LGBTQ somehow undermines or diminishes the quality of their life, or is an attack on their values.

To most, being "gay" is a choice. But think about it for a second, why would anyone choose a life of condemnation, abuse, living in the shadows without the right to love, to have a family or a relationship?

Also read - Why should India care about what RSS thinks about gays?

I am 35-years-old. For more than two decades, I have assimilated all those small sleights, intimidations and sneers. There have been times when it has resulted in much worse. Yet, like most of the LGBTQ I too carry on.

We carry on advocating elasticity - expand your thinking. Be more accepting to the difference. We all want you to see just one thing - that "we" are no different than you; just as boring or just as interesting. And all we want is to be. Just be.

Also read: You too violate 377, Akhil Katyal's poem lays bare India's hypocrisy

• Girl, when you
• blow your boy,
• or boy, when
• you go down
• on her, or when
• both of you use
• a toy, and all the
• world's a blur,
• I know it feels
• like heaven, you
• too violate 377.