Indian men have a disease, that explains why they're sex offenders

Now I know what’s wrong with Indian men. At least, a lot of them. They are suffering from a disease, an infection, that has reached epidemic proportions. Not just: of all the epidemics that have swept over the nation, it is perhaps the most devastating and the most toxic.

Frotteurism. That’s the name of the disease, from the French verb frotter, meaning, “to rub”.

Frotteurs let loose

In everyday speak, we call it groping. Wilful, unwanted touching, that we have been witnessing everywhere in the last few days. And anyone who derives sexual pleasure from non-consensual touching is a “frotteur”.

Legally, it is called “crime against women”. The National Crime Records Bureau, under the Ministry of Home Affairs, categorises it under anything – from sexual harassment, outraging modesty, use of criminal force with intent to disrobe, voyeurism, stalking to attempt to commit rape and rape.

Medically, it’s the urge to achieve sexual stimulation by touching and rubbing against a person without the person's consent and usually in a public place. The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders (DSM-V) lists frotteurism as follows: “The person experiences intense, recurrent, sexual urges and sexually arousing fantasies involving touching and rubbing against a non-consensual person.” The disorder also includes exhibitionism, fetishism, masochism, sadism and voyeurism.

Epidemic of frottage

How prevalent is it? No one really knows. According to the NCRB, which can count only the reported cases, crime against women has been rising steeply across the country over the first decade and a half of the 21st century — more than doubling from 1.4 lakh in 2001 to nearly four lakh now. It is particularly pervasive in cities, where anonymity is available for those who want to take advantage of it. The NCRB lists six cities where, what we call, frottage is particularly rampant: national capital Delhi, Gwalior and Bhopal in Madhya Pradesh, Nagpur in Maharashtra, Durg-Bhilainagar in Chhattisgarh.

Messed up men

Why do men grope women? The first reason is cultural: men grope, assault or harass women, not so much the physical contact, but because they feel good about themselves, that their self-esteem goes up among their peer group for doing so. (Perhaps, the victim was dressed in a way he did not approve? Perhaps, she was walking or behaving in a way he did not think women should?) By groping, he induces the woman not to dress or behave in certain ways. So ultimately, groping is about domination.

For many men, the discomfort and aversion they witness in their victims, egg them on. Why? Because, in a culture, where boys are punished if they are weak and praised if tough, the sight of a woman paralysed by fear or scurrying away, reinforces a man’s self-perception as being tough (same as bullies). But it happens singularly to men who otherwise feel helpless, scared and vulnerable in the face of the life challenges they face.

Women rising

At the end of the day, we have a nation full of men who are a bunch of highly-competitive “losers”. They see that women around them are outperforming them: talk to teachers in a co-ed school and see who they prefer. Talk to recruiters: seven out of 10 top industries in India prefer women employees. At home, while women have picked up the usual "male" skills (say, driving), men are still no good at “female” skills (parenting to care-giving).

Women have increasing status, economic success and greater choice in everything — from clothes they want to wear to sexual partners they want to date. And the only thing a woman can't compete on is physical strength. Hence, drag them, force them, touch them, do things to them that’ll scar them for life.

The first step for women is to understand why men do this. The second step is to acknowledge that we like ourselves as we are. The third step: to accept that a lot of our fellow males do not really like us. Fourth: to decide what to do about it (perhaps, we can stop being stupid and protect ourselves better?) And, finally, can carry on with life on our own terms.

Also read: Confessions of a serial escapist living in modern India