Chandigarh girl asks why just ban mini skirts?

"Chandigarh ki nightlife dekhni hai, yaar!" is not going to be a common sentiment anymore, because the beautiful babus of the "perfect city" have decided to:

1. Shut down clubs/discotheques at midnight, instead of 2am.

2. Banned short skirts in the above-mentioned spaces, because that form of clothing supposedly incites "anti-national sentiments".

Read the second one as many times as you'd like - the fact that Chandigarh administration has found a way to equate short skirts to sedition is going to forever be cited as the perfect example to explain inverse proportionality.

So, the Chandi Admin has come up with a new policy called "Controlling of Places of Public Amusement, 2016", which has cited indecency and sedition as the top reasons for the "curbing" of short skirts and prolonged club hours.

As per the policy, a club/discotheque's permission can be revoked if it is considered (a) To be indecent or of a scurrilous character; (b) To be seditious or likely to excite political discontent (c) Any exhibition or advertisement of scantily dressed women; (d) To contain offensive reference to personalities; (e) To promote hostile feelings between different classes; (f) To be calculated to cause a breach of peace.

Though we don't even want to go down the "women are yet again being victimised for sh*t they are not responsible for by any stretch of the imagination" road again, we have a feeling that Chandi Admin may just be doing heartfelt bhakti of a certain someone called Sudin Dhavalikar. A better introduction to Mr Dhavalikar would be: the Goa minister who thought girls in short skirts visiting pubs was against Indian culture.

But being the sports that we are, we thought we'd take a ride on this Sanskari Magic Carpet everyone seems to be boarding of late, and have thus come up with our own list (better thinking because of the swach, sanskari air up here) of some other things the Chandi Admin should ban:

1. Pink lips

One of the many functions of the lips is to keep the mouth shut, which is even more staunchly applicable for sanskari Indian women. Thus, we argue, why must these pink strips of mass be made to look more appealing to the eye by putting luscious, pink colour on them? 

Take a look at what Sunny Leone - India's most unsanskari woman according to Mr Bhupendra Chaubey - has to say about pink lips:

• Mujhe aadhi raat ko sataane lage
• Mujhe apne saath tadpaane lage
• Tu aaja paas, ye bulaane lage
• Tujhe chhoona chaahe
• Mere ye, mere ye, mere
• Pink lips, pink lips, pink lips
• Pink lips, pink lips, pink lips
• Pal-pal tujhko karte miss

Would we let our khaandaani, sanskari Indian girls be in tune with what Sunny Leone endorses? We think not!

2. High heels

Gandhi ji wore khadaus (peg slippers), and he marched alright! Then why do all this debauchery with high-heels and jazz? Why must these women resort to footwear that accentuates their already-seductive walk and makes their buttocks more prominent? Why must they lure men in like that? Because men will be men, right?

(Note: Not that we're particularly proud of citing this, but Honey Singh's dil also slipped due to ucchi addi heela [high heels]) 

3. Any and all dresses

Dresses (that appalling western form of clothing) that flatter a female body's shape NEED to be done away with.

The way a dress warmly hugs all of a woman's curves, the way it gives definition to her figure, the way it compliments her every move, the way it gives her frame personality - chee, chee! Nothing beats the freedom of movement and privacy of a burqa, really. And they come in different colours and sizes too now - isn't that progressive enough already?

Chandigarh Administration, we dearly hope you're listening (or reading, if you can)!

Yours Truly,

Chandigarh Girl At Heart