Dear Nitish Kumar, regards, a disheartened daughter of Bihar

Dear Nitishji,

I felt like writing to you for some time. But something stopped me. Perhaps I was fighting my own conscience. How do I confront the same man I campaigned for? But today, I need to break my own barriers.

I hail from Nalanda - your district. I have met you many times at cultural celebrations in the district. Recently, I worked for you as a communication consultant much against the wishes of my parents and my family. I patiently and silently celebrated the number of likes and shares and followers and retweets on your social media profiles which you so snidely derided as a mere chidiya, sometime back.

But today, like scores of other Bihari women, I feel cheated, robbed and helpless. Today I feel enraged, inflamed, hurt, helpless, extremely angry and very emotional. I am angry with myself. You might be interested in knowing why for I represent 50 per cent of your vote bank.

On June 23, a 10-year old girl was gangraped in Bihar. The very same day, a 21-year-old was raped at gunpoint and her private parts were mutilated with a pistol and wooden sticks. The suffering of the girl and the brutality of the crime led to comparisons with the Nirbhaya episode in Delhi. These might seem like one of those rare cases for an Indian state, Nitish babu. But let me take you through the incidents in this month alone.

On June 10, a man was killed for resisting and protesting the rape of his wife. On June 5, two daughters of a gangraped woman were abducted in Nawada. On June 2, a girl was raped in front of her brother at Madhaura in Bihar. On the same day, another rape was reported by a girl who was abducted and gangraped months ago. Remember, this is just half of June.

Nitishji, I was 12 years old when I was molested in a crowded bus by an adult from a specific caste. You might know which one and why I even mention the caste angle. But in this age of political correctness, let me say it for you and for my readers - because he had proudly proclaimed, "Jab Laluji gaddi par, to Yadavan ke kaahe ke dar". This was when I shouted amidst tears that I will lodge a police complaint.

My family decided when I was 14 or 15 that I should move out and I did - perhaps never to return.

But I did. I came back to work in the state for the state. My parents were happy, I was happy. You made us feel that we could lodge police complaints and that prompt action would be taken. You rebuilt that lost trust in the "system". I was thankful to you. Women across the state thanked you.

This adulation was not random and whimsical Nitishji. It was a thought over gesture built on concrete evidence and lived realities. It was a voice of your support. It was a way of telling you - keep doing the good work, we trust you completely. And you do know what I am talking about, don't you?

There was an air of threat and an air of insecurity even in the state capital, forget about districts far away from Patna, before you came to power the first time.

Even men did not feel safe in the state. We had forgotten to laugh in mirth openly. People avoided travel plans at night. Mothers were constantly praying till fathers returned from work if it was past dusk.

En masse migration of talent happened. All small and big successful businesses wound up. Professors left to teach in universities other than the state. Scenes of organised violence and fear in Gangs of Wasseypur seem normal to all of us in Bihar who grew up in the '90s, for it was normal and you do know that, don't you?

But things changed after you came in. For women like me, you fulfilled a dream. I could now have coffee in open spaces in Patna. I could roam around aimlessly, talk to strangers on the street and feel at home.

I could travel in crowded buses, fighting and conquering my inner demons. I could breathe in Bihar, Nitishji.

From a woman who had goosebumps when I moved out of the Hai Complex office for the first day at work in Patna because it was 8pm and I was never that late on Patna's streets while growing up to become a woman who confidently returned home at 3am all alone by the end of the campaign, it was a self assuring journey - both personal and political. 

But today Nitishji, that trust stands shattered. Women like me feel hurt, cheated and let me not beat around the bush, we feel molested and raped. You do know what I am talking about, don't you?

In every pre-election rally, you passionately appealed to the mothers and sisters of Bihar to vote for you. You said, "Go and vote on the election-day, first. Don't cook before you vote."

Women voted. And you also know that women stood rock solid behind you even while their own men protested your political moves. Women made you win. We trusted you. We felt we were safe and will continue to be safe till you are around.

I will share an anecdote here. I remember that in Madhubani, during the campaign, while I was staying at a friend's place, my friend's mother - a doctor married to an RSS swayamsevak, went out and voted for you much against the wishes of her husband. Do you know why? I will quote her for you: "Vote bhijua hota hai. Kya pata achha hi ho. Nitishji ne theek kaam kiya hai. Ek mauka aur deke dekhte hain."

Since, I worked with the Mahila Prakoshth of your party, Nitishji, I assume the voice of those women who might not have the advantages that I have to air their opinions in English and even in Hindi on national platforms. I assume this voice because this article is written after due consultation with more than a dozen women in your own party and more than hundreds in your state - some known very closely to you.

We all feel cheated. We feel as if we were taken for a ride. We feel as if we continue to remain your vote banks and nothing else. We fell for your raksha bandhan rhetoric in election rallies. We fell for the façade of this partial liquor ban to woo our en masse vote. Alcohol ban is a sham, Nitishji, if you could not flex your bureaucratic muscles in reining those that are more inebriated from power than by country made liquor.

Each woman who is looked at lasciviously by an emboldened man feels that your political manipulation molested her. Each teenage girl whose family decides to not let her stay in the state curses you for taking them for a ride. Each young woman entrepreneur who felt she could return and start something of her own for the state feels raped of choices in your new reign.

Nitishji, you were elected not for your social philosophy and your political revolutionary theories - Lalu fulfilled enough of that by giving the so-called voice to the voiceless. Scores of women oblivious to socialist theories voted for you because women wanted change. We wanted some peace - nothing else, for we knew that as Bihari women, we will handle everything else. We will build, rebuild, innovate, figure out, adjust and celebrate.

But you have taken us for a ride. You have cheated all of us. You have reduced us to a mere box on your checklist that you need to tick and "check" during the meticulous crafting your political strategies.

I am enraged at myself, I am livid at my stupidity and am aghast at your pretence.

A disheartened daughter of Bihar