I am neither your Hindu, nor your Indian. Just mine

I have always held that religion, or religious beliefs, are extremely personal matters. However, each time my "bhakt" friends spark a conversation on who is a better Hindu, I get aggressive and begin to argue. I say, I am a Hindu as much as they profess to be, if not more.

I was born in a Brahmin family. Both my parents are extremely religious. Indeed, the virtue of being religious (Hindu) for my parents was all about putting the fear of god in me; to have me surrender myself to the almighty, to inculcate the virtues of honesty and respect.

Strangely, my conversation with friends who promote Hinduism is never about these virtues. It is just mindless arm-wrestling. The loudest usually wins.

Also read: Why I will not say my nation is the best

Given today’s social and political environment, I seem to have lost my patience. I don't want my “Hinduism” to be defined by "other" Hindus - the macho, chest-thumping and self-proclaimed upholders of the Hindu faith.

I feel it is important that each one of us Hindus tell these so-called caretakers of Hinduism that we just don't need them, we can manage our own business. Yes, my religion is my business, not yours, thank you very much. It’s also important to remind ourselves, and them, that we don't want moral policing.

I am not your Hindu, I am mine.

Here's why:

1. I eat beef and I like it

What I eat or like to eat has always been a personal matter for me. I didn't listen to my mother when she wanted me to eat something, like vegetables, that were obviously good for me, or avoid something else. But the recent killing of Mohammad Akhlaq in Dadri by an angry mob on the rumour that he had stored "beef" in his refrigerator scares me.

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How could the choice of food enrage someone? Also, how can the state just be a mere spectator to the doings of these few hurt Hindus? My Hinduism is about respecting an individual's freedom to eat what he or she wants, of course, without hurting anyone's sentiments. My Hinduism doesn't kill someone in the name of beef-eating.

2. I don't believe in Manusmriti, I have been a bad Brahmin

I blame this one treatise for most of the evils that I find in my religion. It establishes the supremacy of a particular caste over other Hindus and manipulates rules to maximise that caste's power and hold over the religion. This has been celebrated rather than just tolerated, and indeed been justified. It's that “untouchable” holy text that empowers a few to exercise an absolute authority over the rest (mostly Shudras).

Also read: India will pay for Arnab Goswami and Swapan Dasgupta's nationalism

In fact, I am of the opinion that Manusmriti should be pulped, and put in an unmarked grave. But my “Hindu” friends will not like that, especially our “Book Minister” Smriti Irani.

It has hardly been a few weeks since poor Rohith Vemula was “murdered” (sorry, committed suicide!) by the political class. I don't want to be Rohith. I don't want to be a Brahmin either. I don't want to be killed, nor do I want to be a killer. My Hinduism is non-brahminical, it respects equality, equity and justice. My Hinduism is devoid of discrimination on caste or other lines.

3. “Other” Hindus are violent. The most I can take is Arnab Goswami!

Most of my gods carry weapons, and some carry many weapons. As a child, it intrigued me why our gods didn't keep toys, or maybe even a few chocolates. Then I used to convince myself that may not have been chocolates or toys when the gods were “invented”.

The only saving grace was that each time we celebrated their birthdays (festivals I mean, see I was a child!) we had a school holiday. But the longest school holiday I ever had in my childhood was when communal riots broke out in Bhagalpur in 1989. As a kid, I saw the city burn for months, with “Har Har Mahadev” and “Jai Shri Ram” being chanted all around. Every "real" Hindu had a weapon, just like my gods.

I was told that even Muslims had weapons, hence we must have as many weapons of our own. A lot of people, both Muslims and Hindus, went missing. But I understood that there was something in those jingoistic chants. Schools got shut every time the chants got louder. But yes, that was when I was a child.

As I grew up a little older (still a child though!) I heard that a mosque somewhere in the Gangetic Plain, from where I went to school, was being demolished by thousands and thousands of “bhakts”. It was a school holiday again. But I understood the real story behind these chants after I gained some age and probably some sense.

Reality bit in 2002 when Godhra happened, and the riots followed. And of course, when every other day we get a demonstration of the “tolerance” of these “Hindus”. Saffron-clad goons enter campuses and parks and thrash couples who dare to showcase their love, films are demanded to be banned, books are banned and we head steadily towards becoming a failing society.

Violence, in a spiritual sense, is not just physical, and it can't be the only foundation of survival and self-preservation. When a faith starts hating love, it scares me. When mere chants and slogans kill hundreds, that's sedition for me. These “other” Hindus are seditious, not me. Non-violence is the greatest virtue or, in fact, the very virtue of virtues.

4. They say Hindu is BJP, BJP is Hindu

Although just 31 per cent of India voted for the BJP (NDA) in the 2014 Lok Sabha elections, somehow, this Hindutva party seems to have appropriated all of India, and for sure, all of the Hindus. The party and its spokespersons speak on my behalf, mostly crude and demented words that mean nothing to me. They want to call India a "Hindu Rashtra" and of course, want to define Hinduism as a way of life, rather than mere religion. But I am not stupid and I know what they really mean. I can't accept that my friends belonging to Muslim, Christian, Sikh and other religions surrender their faiths and unique identities, only to become a shadow of the Hindus.

I don't want my politics to be guided by my religion. Rather, it should be based on ideas, ideology and governance. It almost seems as if I am not a true Indian if I am not a true Hindu. The divisive and arrogant propaganda by the people in power, including their ideologues, such as those belonging to the RSS and BJP is the worst form of governance. We can't have “Make in India”, “Swachh Bharat”, “Beti Bachao Beti Padhao” on the one hand and an idea of “Hindu Rashtra” on the other. These two ideas don't go well together.

5. Hindus hate women. For me, every girl counts

Every other day we find these “other” Hindu leaders coming on TV channels and dictating to us their idea of culture and how they want women to behave. Some of them have gone to the extent of banning the wearing of jeans or the use of mobile phones by girls, considering them as reasons provoking men to rape.

We have had sati in the past, and we continue to have dowry deaths, female foeticide, deteriorating child sex ratio, increasing violence against women, especially in the families of the the so-called "true" Hindus. The same Hindu society that worships women is tolerant towards violence and discrimination against women.

We heard a senior government official from Haryana speaking out against women who study in universities, calling them prostitutes. We just watched a bunch of law-keepers thrashing dozens of women journalists at the Patiala House Court on the pretence of guarding the “asmita” of another female - “Bharat Mata”. This is absolutely ridiculous. My Hinduism doesn't adhere to this at all. For me, women are not just to serve, assist and enable, they are to lead and live, more importantly, BE!

6. I love India, I love Pakistan too

My patriotism and religion is always questioned when I say anything to praise Pakistan. According to the Hindu nationalists, one has to hate Pakistan to prove that he loves India or is a true Hindu. I disagree. I have had the privilege of visiting Pakistan very recently and have interacted with hundreds of Pakistanis. I can't put up a façade of hatred towards them just because my countrymen want me to.

The Pakistanis I met were warm, friendly and peace-loving. Every time I met someone on the streets of Lahore and told them I was from India, they had tears in their eyes, and embraced me with love and respect. I stayed there for eight nights and I never had to pay for a single meal. The Pakistanis never allowed me to.

Indeed, there are terror-mongers and violent people in Pakistan too, and yes, many of them have waged a war against the Indian state. Similarly, we have such people on our side too. I don't have to hate Pakistan to love India. I love India, I love Pakistan too.

I am my Hindu, not that of the “other” Hindus. I will not allow someone else to speak on my behalf. My religion and nationalism is not to be defined by an institution, not even the state. In fact, never by the state. My love for this country and my belief in Hinduism is stronger than it ever was, for it is in times like these that your resolve to fight divisive and violent forces get stronger.

I am a proud Hindu. I am a proud Indian. I am mine! Beware of just one story!