Ten things that happen only in the Andamans

1. Your flight is full of honeymooning couples who buy two tickets but manage to cuddle in one seat. The amount of attention that the groom shows to the bride — from fixing her hair to offering water and chocolates to ensuring that she doesn’t miss a single view through the plane window — makes you believe that all dirty jokes about husbands on honeymoon are well, just plain dirty. And the primary role of a new wife is to look coy and smile all the time.

2. If you can’t understand the automated voice in your cell phone, don’t worry. It’s Bangla, the most spoken language in the islands. However, everyone can speak Hindi in the Andamans, so relax if you are from North India. What’s more, the moment you sit in a cab, Yo Yo Honey Singh could welcome you from the music system. If you speak only Tamil, chances are there that you will find a Tamil brother or sister who can speak only Hindi and little bit of English. But don’t worry. Tamil is the second most spoken language, so you will have enough people to communicate with.

3. You will find a Chinese couple who serves perhaps the best “Indian” Chinese in the entire country. This is the only Chinese family in the islands though they can’t speak Chinese and have never been to China.

4. If you are travelling alone, don’t worry about leaving your heavy bag unattended, while going to the washroom. Nobody steals anything. Everyone, including cab drivers, leaves their cars unlocked. And if you find a stranger sitting in your car in the parking lot, don’t worry; he was simply looking for a place to rest and some shade from the sun.

5. The locals are out to make money from tourists but you won’t be fleeced. And they trust you. You can hire a scooty, swim gear, water activity equipment without paying any advance or signing a scrap of paper. But don’t try to run away without paying. You may find the same guy working as a loader in the ship.

6. Wherever you go in the Andamans, you can’t escape the honeymooning couples. Men are in shorts and body-hugging T-shirts. Women wear spaghettis and hot pants but their most unmistakable accessory are the red bangles — from wrist to elbow — indicating their newly married status. The grooms pose for photographs in Shah Rukh Khan’s signature style. Brides have discovered a unique pose, tilting the head towards the right shoulder, standing on the right foot and bending the left leg 90 degrees at knee.

7. If you are roaming around in the villages of the islands and have already seen rural Assam or rural West Bengal, you could be forgiven for thinking that your flight took you to the wrong destination. The sea is a reminder that you are in the right place.

8. Food is expensive, even if you are eating at a roadside dhaba. If you are a vegetarian, you will have to pay more. Aloo gobhi and paneer masala are the most probable vegetable items in the menu and they cost a lot more than chicken curry or crab masala. And there is no guarantee that they would taste the same as in Delhi or Amritsar.

9. It’s the only place on earth where you would find people posing in front of a jail. Of course Cellular Jail is a national memorial, but perhaps there are better ways to take the memory home?

10. And if you thought Kalapani evokes only a sense of fear with horror tales of torture inside the Cellular Jail, pause for a moment. Times have a changed. Kalapani is now a popular cricket league hosted in Neil Island. For the islander who can’t watch IPL live, they have KPL (Kalapani Premier League).