My "grow up mommy" moment!

What is your most pressing adaptive challenge in life? I confess mine is being a parent. Not that my work is bereft of challenges, but most of my adaptive crises have a way of surfacing at home where I am trying to raise a soon-to-be-16 son and a ten-year-old "wise" daughter. Most of the time, faced with these challenges, I have no clue what to do, no precedents to draw from.

But let me tell you, I am adapting and learning by the hour. Last weekend, I experienced one of my worst communication disasters when I was trying to be a stereotypical mother, trying to bully my daughter into compliance - mind you, I was not even remotely close to inspiring or convincing, but was literally hurling management jargon and livewire commands.

"You are grown-up enough to manage your life little lady! Don't tell me I need to run after you every day asking if you have packed your bag, brushed your teeth, finished your homework, or closed your project! You got to give me a break darling!" I said.

It didn't stop there. "Your irresponsible behaviour is compromising the quality of my life." (What? Did I really say that? In hindsight, I feel foolish and can only look back at myself with extreme cynicism for having used such verbose logic with a ten-year old! I stand extremely embarrassed.)

In a nutshell, it was a communication disaster and I feel no shame in admitting it.

On most occasions, my daughter is a wordsmith. The other day, when I asked her to run a tiny errand for me before we called it a day, she slipped a little further into the quilt, and said "Mom, you know I am lazy. But it's a family problem. We will handle it together." My mouth fell open at what she had thrown back at me, and sure enough, I got up and did it myself.

But on this particular occasion she was unusually quiet. The stereotypical mother in me was at it again. She is not with me, probably not tuned in, not listening, I thought. She is probably humming a tune in her head right now. I was confident that I had not reached out to her, and, given the lousy display of my communication skills, she had no reason to show respect.

She quietly slipped out of the room, leaving me fuming and red-faced for the insensitive indifference shown.

I was still caught in thought, confused with how I was going to handle the hormonal imbalances as we go along (true for all three of us) when she entered and, in a way that can only be described as a dignified gesture, hugged me, and said, "I am sorry mom. I shouldn't add to your pressures!"

She closed the loop of my bad communication with the dignity that made me realise that she has grown past being a stereotypical daughter.

For all you parents out there, sometimes it just needs a change in perception to work through a parenting challenge. For me, it is work-in-progress.