A psychiatrist explains how to mend a broken heart

Dating for Indians is a much recent phenomenon. 15 to 20 years ago, it would be impossible to imagine people dating at the scale at which they are now in the country. With millions dating, there is also the larger impending issue of heartbreak. It is a reality that is hardly talked about, but one that poses a grave threat to the emotional and mental well-being of an individual.

With heartbreak comes depression and death. People suffering from it often internalise it, with almost no one to turn to. Parents don't necessarily show sympathy, friends might not be objective, gurus and teachers may not be of any more help than the parents.

Also read: How I survived a break-up and what you must never do

The little words of advice one finds is through tiny columns written by psychologists and agony aunts in the pages of magazines. What is never reported is the fact that there are 25,000 cases of death from heartbreak each year in India. A hundred thousand others suffer from depression as a result of heartbreak. And yet, treating the condition with ignorance has almost become habitual.

Here's what to keep in mind when dealing with heartbreak:

1) Acknowledge 

Ask yourself if you don’t feel good about yourself or don’t feel loved. Are you angry at yourself and don’t feel like carrying on with your routine? Are you consuming more drugs and alcohol? Are you obsessing over your loved one and want to die? Do you regret falling in love? Feeling these emotions indicate that you are suffering from a heartbreak.

Also read: What Virat-Anushka break-up says about love and longing in India

2) Understand your mind and body

Start paying attention to each element of the heartbreak experience. These are: body, mind, relationships, spirit. Take care of your body by eating healthy food. Practise yoga, exercise daily and make sure to get enough sunlight.

Take care of your general hygiene. Most of these are generally overlooked during a heartbreak.

3) Allow yourself to feel the pain

Don’t try to fight the feelings or try to suppress the pain. Don’t use alcohol or substances to distract yourself from the pain. If the pain is too much, seek professional help. Otherwise, talk to a friend or family members.

4) Connect with nature

We are increasingly replacing authentic social connections with digital ones. So, start by connecting with nature.

If you feel like your life is over, connect with friends, family, the cosmos, so that you understand the purpose of your existence in the universe. Try to understand that the pain is only a small part of your existence.

Also read: What love looks like, from 16 to 30, for this girl

5) Remember who you were before you met your lover

Try to understand who you were before you met your ex-lover. Where were you and what were you doing before you fell in love? If you are feeling incomplete, it is a sign that perhaps you hadn’t yet discovered the part of you that you needed to.

If you haven’t, start the process of loving and appreciating yourself. Having done that, understand the deeper questions of what is your purpose in life and what difference will you make.

6) Do not surrender to someone else

Many romantic movies and love ballads might suggest that a lover is the sole reason for existing. You need to stop being affected by these cinematic ideas of love. In Laila and Majnu, for example, pain and suffering was a part of the package called love. Killing oneself for the sake of the lover was considered as the ultimate act of love.

Retain your quirky characteristics and elements from your personality. As Kahlil Gibran said, "There have to be spaces in your togetherness." Ensure that you are atleast yourself and have your own purpose of living.

7) Work on yourself

Don’t be selfish and  individualistic. Retain a balance and connect with others. At the same time, have a good sense of loving your own company.

8) Avoid rebounds

Figure out what went wrong in your previous relationship and what can you do right. Most important part is to accept your shortcomings.