What Diwali means to a non-religious person

My daughter’s school in Tokyo asked me to come in to explain and celebrate Diwali.

I’m the opposite of religious, I run from religious faith and mindless customs. A celebration, a party on the other hand, I’m totally up for, and Diwali, for me, has always been an excuse to dress up, drink and dance.

Armed with a book about Diwali published in Chicago by a lady called Nancy, I donned my shiny, chiffon lehenga and off I marched to her school.

As the kids created play diyas I read them the story of a prince called Ram who’s wife, Sita, was taken away by a wicked king Ravan. Ram defeated Ravan and people lit lamps to show the prince and princess home. Good won over evil. The end.

It made me really sad, not because I didn’t know more of the story — which of course I did, I have been taken to Ramlila every year of my life and loved reading Hindu mythological texts whilst at Uni. But because I just didn’t care enough.

Diwali doesn’t mean so much to me. Nor do Christmas or any of the other religious festivals that everyone else gets so excited about.

Of course, they are a great way of bringing families together to share their common beliefs and traditions. What happens when you are not sure if you have any?

When I was a child (and heading a family was not my headache) my mother brought us up as Hindus. I prayed to Krishna, knew my Gayatri Mantra and pretty much knew which god did what.

I have marvellous memories of my sister and I happily spending entire afternoons playing at our local temple. Having befriended the priest’s daughter we had exclusive access to forbidden corridors in the home of the gods.

During festival time this was the golden ticket.

We’d get dolled up like the actress in our favourite film Santoshi Maa (I kid you not, I can still sing all the songs verbatim), then head straight to the secret back room behind the idols and help prepare the aarti. Proudly handing out the blessing sweets at the end was an unbelievable privilege.

It was a simple, joyful time where I didn’t have to question whether I believed in the god I was praying to. Now I can’t remember the last time I prayed. Not believing had not bothered me until I had my own family.

If I wasn’t a Hindu (which I am not) who was I? What value system did I have? What would I impart to my daughter?

Diwali was a good time as any to put thought to it. I don’t believe in the gods except for it being a good story but I do have a value system. It’s a work in progress, it’s dynamic and may I continue to pad it till my dying day.

Here are some of the things I’m beginning to believe in:

Be kind, everyone has a story

I thought I had a terrible cross to bear and had been dealt an unfair hand (a story I will tell someday but it’s not yet mine to share) and every time I felt righteously sorry for myself I would get slapped on my face, with someone more joyful with a deeper wound.

No one is without pain, no one. Everyone is struggling with demons, however big or small. When you remember this, you automatically become kinder.

Complaining is a vicious, circular waste of time

Now before my husband smirks, I admit this is an aspirational one.

Complaining leads to excuses, which leads to procrastination, which puts you that much further from what you want, making you all the more frustrated, giving you more reason to complain.

Simply stop. Get on with it and the mere effort will take the edge off the frustration.

Be you

For all my flightiness, deep down I’m a pretty solid person. Mainly because I’ve always known who I am and I believe in myself.

I’m beginning to not lie to myself about anything. If I don’t like something it’s time I fix it or learn to accept it.

Loyalty and love don’t need reason

Love with no limits and no conditions. My daughter has taught me this by expanding my heart beyond what I thought it was capable of.

Surround yourself with love and be loyal to that love. Loyalty must supersede transient gain, personal opinion and circumstances.

Friendships are sacred

Friends are my chosen family.

In true friendships we bare ourselves naked and this can be vulnerable making, yet if nurtured and held in respect friends can hold a mirror up to us without judgment and that can be crucial for surviving with the soul intact.

Travel and read

The day you lose your desire to see, seek and grow, you might as well roll over and play dead. Curiosity will not kill this cat but the lack of it surely will.

Live for pleasure and happiness — to give and receive

The opposite of this is just a sheer waste of time. It is my duty as a mother, nay as a human being, to be happy. And happiness multiplies in company.

I am the keeper of joy for my family and friends. This is my true religion.

On that note happy Diwali.

(Courtesy of Mail Today.)

Also read: Feeling low after a festival or holiday? The depression is real