I don't care if my husband cheats, as long as he comes home to me

Recently, I was chatting with a celebrity wife who has a fantastic marriage in the papers. She and her husband are known as a power couple. But there have been rumours of the husband straying and there have been definite affairs in the past. So I asked her, "Doesn't it bother you that your husband is rumoured to be having affairs and people are gossiping?"

And she categorically replied, "How does it matter? As long as he comes home to me."

For most women, marriage is a security blanket in a patriarchal society. The benefits of being married outweigh the advantages of being single in India. A woman is respected, revered for having a husband and home.

Many men (not all) will back off from flirting or taking advantage of married women because they don't want to think about the consequences. A married woman also has the advantage of spending her husband's money and choosing not to work in this patriarchal society. (Although there are many men who insist their wives work.)

A single woman or a divorced woman still needs to prove her worth, but a married woman can claim she is a housewife and is not questioned on what else she is doing.

Also read: Why married Indian women have affairs

Hence most married women, celebrity or otherwise, would choose to stay in relationships even if their husband is having an affair with another woman.

"It's just the body," said another friend of mine Sunheri. "We don't even have sex anymore. I get whatever I want from him anyway. His life, the years we spent together, the memories, our children are all mine. Why would I leave him?"

But no woman who has got married thinks that she will be okay with her husband cheating on her. So how do women suddenly get comfortable with the idea?

Supriya Nair, clinical psychologist and founder of Ascend Psychology, says there are five factors that contribute to this thought process of "as long as he comes home to me".

a)  Helplessness: A woman may have no option but to be okay with her husband having affairs. There is no alternative because he has the power in the marriage and as a joint family she doesn't have much say. Arranged marriages could look like this.

b)  Temporary situation: The wife may feel this is a temporary situation. The husband has been pressured into affairs through society and peers and he will ultimately be with her in her old age.

c)  Education: With the internet age, women are reading and understanding that there is polygamy in society and there are polyamorous relationships where partners can find other people to fulfil their emotional or sexual needs while still staying with each other.

Also read - Love, sex and marriage: Conversations with a polyamorist

d)  Insecurity: A woman may have given up her job when she got married and doesn't know how to find work again to be financially independent. If a woman is financially dependent on her husband, she may be insecure about leaving him.

e)  Mid-life crisis: Most people have now heard the term and believe that their spouses go through a mid-life crisis where they need to reinvent themselves. In the process the wives just need to be "supportive" until the husband "finds himself" and comes back to her.

Most wives also have a different belief system where loyalty is not the biggest priority. A few women also struggle with identity issues. They've never seen themselves as anything but wives and mothers. To suddenly think of themselves worthy of doing anything else or being something else will need tremendous overhaul of their belief system. Most women are comfortable in the cushy lives their husbands provide.

Also read: Why single Indian women are hooking up with married men

A woman who chooses to leave her husband just because he's having an affair might also be blamed. "She may fear that people might blame her for her husband's straying," says Dr Nair. Society does label her as not the ideal wife - too aggressive, demanding, and maybe as the reason he strayed, leaving her with self-doubt and lack of confidence.

Somewhere, it seems easier to accept that your spouse is having affairs and detach from him rather than paving a way alone.

But while on the surface, a woman may seem cool and collected about her marriage, there is a deep unhappiness that she refuses to acknowledge. A woman must find her identity again and break out of her comfort zone to do something for herself, however small it may be. She could find support groups where she can be herself and open up. And after she finds her voice, her strength, accepts the situation and understands the consequences, she must be able to confront her husband and forge a new way.

She must remember that no person is resigned to their fate. There is power in trying to change your circumstances. The choice is always in your hands.