10 things to change when India becomes a Hindu Rashtra

1) Delhi will become Hastinapur. So, we will have to go to New Hastinapur Railway Station and Old Hastinapur Railway Stationto catch a train. Delhi University will be known as Hastinapur University. Lutyens' Delhi will be renamed as Lutyens' Hastinapur and Dilliwalas will be known as Hastinapurwalas. On the Metro, the speaker will announce "Hastinapur Metro mei aapka swagat hai".

2) Luxury brands will have to stop selling and marketing their usual wares. Instead they will come out with an all new line for the fashionable Hindu youth: think saffron robes, mini saffron robes, deep neck saffron robes, etc. Instead of rubber sandals, you can even sport saffron coloured wooden sandals. Nike's logo will become a saffron coloured tick.

3) Think Tinder but in Sanskrit or something like that. Young people will propose to girls in Sanskrit with a lit agarbatti in hand (the truer your affections, the longer the agarbatti). Only after approval from parents of both parties can the boy walk up to a girl and say: "Aham tubhyam pranyaami" (I love you) and "Bhavati Mam parinesyati kim" (Will you marry me?)

4) India's population will decrease by 70 per cent since people who did not vote for Narendra Modi or are not true Hindus will be teleported to Pakistan using Vedic maths. Pakistan will become the world's largest democracy and a secular nation and India will become a Hindu Rashtra. Hence, history will be reversed.

5) All major Western brands for women will shut shop as no jeans and no short clothes will be allowed (understandably so). Only salwar kameez, dupattas and saris will be available. Beauty pageants will be renamed as "Shrimati Bharat" and "Shriman Bharat". For formal wear, men will be required to consult Baba Ramdev on matters of fashion.

6) Only Indian food will be available since Chinese food will cause widespread rapes in the country. Consumption of chowmein will be punishable by law. Fresh scientific/Vedic research will go into looking at the impact KFC and McDonalds have on boys, who will after all, be boys, and their appetites.

7) Every engineer will leave their job in Pune and Bangalore since they will be forced to do ghar wapsi and return to their hometown. Arts and Commerce graduates will surely protest against #EngineerJihad and #ManagementJihad, young girls with Arts and Commerce backgrounds will be lured into marriage by engineers and management types, and later forced to convert their degrees.

8) Forget Bangkok or Switzerland, the good Hindu will go to vacations on Mars, Pluto, Jupiter, Saturn and other planets, since we will have sophisticated flying objects, which can travel in space. So, a typical booking would look like Hastinapur to Saturn with a stop at Jupiter. These planes won't cause pollution since they will run on cow urine, which is environment friendly.

9) Aamir Khan will produce “Ghajini 2”, in which he will change his religion every 15 minutes. Shah Rukh Khan will appear in “My name is Khan not Raj” with a tagline “I am a big terrorist”. Salman Khan will make “Ek Tha Lion” and we will protest like good Hindus because lion is communal, tiger is secular.

10) Your popularity will be judged by the amount of sentences you can complete on Arnab Goswami's News Hour without being interrupted. Twitter will be a safe place for all things that the nation really wants to know: #GharWapsi, #HindutvaRocks, #BanChowmein, #NoJeansForWomen, #ModiMyMan, #AmitShahFC, #ScrewSantaGoAtal... You won't have to take lessons in English in evening classes, only learn how to make Sickulars regret their existence in 140 characters.