Three mistakes of my life, by TTV Dhinakaran

Just returned from hot Bengaluru. Its "cool city" tag is a thing of the past, mere nostalgia by the "When we were young, Cubbon Park was ..." generation. I must put in an application to get a table fan to help Chinnamma (VK Sasikala) stay cool inside Bengaluru prison. All that Sabatham (vow) anger and then this heat.

But yeah, Chennai is worse. My government has even issued a heat wave warning in 18 districts of Tamil Nadu, including the capital, asking people to be careful. Whoever said my remote-control government does not work? The people, better be careful. Especially of O Panneerselvam.

Hey, who is that knocking at the door? Delhi Police? Oh damn, Thambi, it's you. Do not knock at the door like that.

Every time someone knocks, I fear it is someone from Delhi — Income Tax, ED, CBI, Delhi Police. They have all come together to make me feel the heat. I will show them I am the coolest one.

But yeah, three mistakes I made. The first was to trust OPS. Thevar-Thevar anna-thambi I thought. Biggg mistake. He would always tell me he only wants to become chairman of Periyakulam municipality and look now, he wants to become chief minister once again.

1, 2, 3, 4. Yes the fourth time. What greed. Because of him, Chinnamma could not become CM even for a day. Not even like Arjun in Mudhalvan. Good movie, by the way.

Never trust anyone in politics. Biggg lesson. I know OPS is trying to instigate my MLAs and ask them to revolt against me. How dare they ask me to sack health minister Vijayabaskar or even suggest that I should step aside? I know who is writing the script for OPS. All Hindi script, I know. I will expose them all. When I get angry, I am FERA-level. I mean vera-level. It means anger at a very different level.

But I admit, since OPS and I have worked together in Theni, he knows my bag of tricks. I also know his. But I never imagined he was such a consummate actor. As good as Kamal.

My second mistake, people say, was to be in a hurry to take over the party. I do not agree. They say our great Mannargudi family should not have surrounded Amma's casket when she died and the body was kept at Rajaji Hall on December 6. They say it sent out the wrong signals. I wonder why. I thought the signal was clear that we were going to take over.

Thambi, the WiFi here is not working properly. Signal is weak pa. Konjam paaru (Just check).

I am told Chinnamma's last decision before she went to jail to appoint me as deputy general secretary showed greed. But who else could it be? Can she trust anyone else in the party? All of them only want to avoid elections. Period. Yes, I wanted to be minister in the Cabinet but governor Vidyasagar Rao played spoilsport.

Chumma, he brought up the old FERA case and scared Edappadi Palaniswami by saying he will delay the swearing-in if he insisted on my inclusion. What's this FERA? It is all Mera (mine)!

My third mistake, they say, was to contest the RK Nagar by-election. That's Amma's seat, man. How could I not contest? I showed my macho side by daring to contest. Yes, I did not expect them to freeze my two leaves symbol. But "hat" was not bad, eh. Many of my school friends told me on Facebook that I looked stylish with the thoppi (cap).

I would have won, I tell you. Definitely. Don't believe all those surveys, all paid stuff. I was certain to win. But those documents spoilt the game. Vijayabaskar tells me all those documents are fake. But no one believes him.

The documents said we were to distribute Rs 89 crore to the voters of RK Nagar to get them to vote for me. Rs 4,000 per vote. Is it even believable?

Go to any ATM in Chennai and it says "No cash". Where will we get so much cash from? All this is a trap to defame me.

But I have told Vijayabaskar to give that accountant a bad appraisal and sack him. Such meticulousness with phone numbers. Too much, I say.

And now they say, I have paid Rs 50 crore to bribe the Election Commission officials to get the two leaves symbol. They have arrested some Sukesh Chandrasekhar. I don't know him. Yes, I don't know him. Repeat. I don't know him.

They say I paid through halwa. No, hawala. They say they will arrest me and put me inside Tihar. This is a trap, political conspiracy to defame me. Repeat. This is a trap, political conspiracy to defame me.

Thambi, what's for breakfast? Dal and chappati? Hello, I am still outside, not inside.

Also read: The real reason behind EC cancelling by-poll to Jayalalithaa's RK Nagar constituency